Curly..yet again.

Its like goin 2 heaven and finding out

That god smokes crack. Im pretty freaked that he is going 2 tell me he cares. Freaked and excited. I want it, but i dont. Maybe because if he does, then ill have 2 face my feelings about him. And im not ready 4 that. Its to soon. Its to soon.

Its funny that i tend to talk to Pen for

Just about 5 hours each day. I mean seriously, we have conversations. But I still would rather search for somebody else to fuck. Even though i know that what we have is incredibly rare, and probably what im desparately searching for. Why am I so

Adverse to just being his and only his?

I mean, after talking to him so much, you would think id just give in, but i stubbornly hold fast to my resolve that he is not my better half. Are my expectations to high Or is it because maybe he just isnt ready yet? Perhaps Im not ready yet.

Wow! What is it about 2day that makes me

Old flames,friends,and family members need 2 converse with me. Didnt get 2 talk to the usuals all that much, but all the oldies, but goodies came crawling outa the woodwork. It is neat.

Kell after having da baby

FWD: Aj

Kells baby AJ.

Is it wierd that his name in my phone

Is 'BEDROOM EYES' and that this is his picture? Its the only one i like, it makes me feel wierd 2 look @ it. Cause he is attractive in it. And im more comfortable with him NOT being attractive. Wierd

Unfortunately, Pen has horrible taste

In music. But he does have awesome tastes in books, movies, and i will even dare to say cars.

So he is not dead.. Just ignoring me.

Which is cool i guess, it just blows that we cant be friends. Maybe he has a new GF, or maybe he read my last blog about him. Whatever the reason, it hurts to be ignored. Then theres this whole Pen thing. It irks me that we could be so close, and yet

I am just not attracted to him. Just how

Does that work? I absolutely LOVE talking to him, and we have some pretty riveting convos. Im trying to just accept things the way they are, but if it was anyone else, Id be completely gaa-gaa over them. Pen is my best friend. We can talk about any

And everything! We would be really great

Together. But I totally dont want that. I mean yeah, I want to be with someone like him, and he does have some incredibly attractive traits. Like he has some seriously awesome blue eyes, but you cant tell until your right in his face. He also is the

Same height as DJS, but with more muscle

And super kinky as hell! Gorgeous legs and a fabulous man ass. So why is it that whenever I see a picture of him, I cringe in displeasure. Its so wierd. DJS was waay hotter. Even my Wifey thinks so! But still. Maybe thats the secret. To not be overly

Year younger! Such a huge gap. But its

So comfortable. Like when I met CS. I guess technically we are in a 'relationship'. Its pretty much perfect, we lives in different states, we have great convo, and CARNAGE when he is in town. Which is very infrequent. I dont have any desire to even

Attracted to a person. I mean honestly

I really would like to see where this goes. I mean not that it could go much farther.. I mean the sex IS crap. Everything about him is right, with the exception of him being younger than me, like BS is. Actually BS is just months younger Pen is a

Try to fuck anyone else, mainly cause

It just sounds like waaay too much work to try to find someone. Cause Im lazy. So I figure that Im just gonna enjoy the time I have with him, and I guess I will just have to masturbate..alot.

Love is like an onion..

You peel away layer after stinky layer until your just left weeping over the sink.

Damn straight, Im delightful!

Fungdark! I dont know why im so desolate. Why do i have such a voracious appetite to destroy a guys life. A guy who is supposed 2 be my bestfriend! I dont want him, but neither do i want anyone else 2 have him.