In Lust we trust!

OKIES.. SO I'M FINDING THIS WHOLE GETTING OVER DAVID THING SURPRISINGLY EASY.. ITS WEIRD CAUSE I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO GET OVER THAT ONE..BUT WHAT EVE.. SO I FIGURE CAUSE I HAVE A NEW CRUSH..YES, I KNOW WHAT YOUR THINKING.. ALREADY! YUP, ALREADY. ITS NOT LIKE I INTENTIONALLY WANT THESE THINGS TO HAPPEN, BUT MR.PERFECT IS WELL, PERFECT.. OK SO HE ISN'T ALL THAT PERFECT, BUT HE IS PRETTY FUCKING COOL. HE IS INCREDIBLY FUNNY, AND INTELLIGENT, AND TALL AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, HES GOT THOSE SEXY BLUE EYES THAT I ADORE SO MUCH ON MY GUYS! BUT WHAT I THINK I ACTUALLY LIKE THE MOST, IS THAT HE ACTUALLY HAS LIKE A MANLY MAN VOICE.. IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT.. ITS JUST THAT ITS SOOO DIFFERENT WITH HIM.. I REALLY ENJOY BEING AROUND HIM, AND I EVEN ENJOY HIM BEING ALL MOODY AND SATYRICAL. BUT HE IS A GROOVY DUDE.. AND THE SEX... SURPRISINGLY NON-EXHISTENT.. WE HAD THAT ILLUSTRIUOS DISCUSSION EARLY ON.. HE ACTUALLY WANTS HTO 'JUST HANG OUT' AND SEE WHERE THINGS GO FROM THERE.. NOW I KNOW WHAT YOUR THINKING, THIS GUY HAS TO BE GAY RIGHT.. WELL I THOUGHT THAT TOO, UNTIL A MIDDAY HANG-OUT SESSION, GOT A LITTLE HOT AND HEAVY.. BUT BECAUSE IT WAS MIDDAY, AND WE WERE AT WORK, (IN THE PARKING LOT) IT DIDN'T GO TO FAR.. IKNOW, IKNOW.. YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO SHIT WHERE YOU EAT, BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I DON'T SUCK THE JOY OUT OF THE NEXT 3 1/2 YRS I HAVE LEFT.. TO BE HONEST, I THINK HE JUST WANTS TO SEE HOW LONG I CAN LAST BEFORE HE TORTURES ME INTO BEGGING FOR IT.. AND AS MUCH AS THE THOUGHT OF MYSELF ON MY KNEES IN FRONT OF HIM NAKED AND GROVELING AT HIS FEET TURNS ME ON.. THATS NOT HOW I WANT OUR 1ST SEXUAL ENCOUNTER TO BE.. ACTUALLY, I STARTED WRITING A SHORT ABOUT HOW I WANT THE 1ST TIME I ACTUALLY FUCK HIM TO GO.. ITS QUIRKY AND SARCASTIC AND FUNNY AND SEXUALLY INTENSE All at the same TIME. BUT IT DOES NEED SOME WORK.. OMG!! I LOVE JUST STARING INTO HIS EYES!! FUCK!! HE MAKES ME WET JUST THINKING ABOUT HIM!! GOTTA TOUCH MYSELF.. OKIES, I'M GOING TO GO WATCH PORN THAT I FOUND ON STUMBLEUPON.COM SO I WILL HOLLA ATCHA FOLKS LATER!! MAYBE THE NEXT TIME I WRITE, I WILL HAVE SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE JUICY TO WRITE ABOUT..HERES HOPING!

Hurrah for Danielle!!

Yes, Hurrah for me! This weekend was full and fun! I enjoyed myself, and i got lots o sh*t done.. I braided the majority of my hair, and did laundry n such.. I even went to the movies with sensei.. and i got mi computeroso fixed.. Now I am on stumbleupon.com and I have found a veritable wealth of internet stuff to keep me busy all the live long day! This weekend I'm going out with Tami and Raquel to the movies and I guess to dinner.. Soo excited!! I gotta clean my room since we are all meeting at mi casa before we go.. Haven't talked to David(if that is his real name) since the last time I saw him.. but I'm not gonna lie.. I miss.. Well I don't know what I miss.. Since I didn't really get a chance to know the real him, I guess I miss the fabricated him.. So I'm pretty much missing a lie.. I would say that I'm missing the el sexeoso.. but I know that thats not what it was.. I think he was right when he told me that i just feel like I need to like someone, and he just happend to be in the right place at the right time... perhaps he was super correct.. Now I have a crush.. not really a crush persay, but a little fantasy.. I think that that is where I will keep it though.. cause its safer there.. anywhere else outside of my head is super dangerous!! But He is a HoTTie!! N-e-wayz.. I'm gonna get back to my daydream.. it is definately short story worthy.. and the reason why it will be kept on paper or just in my head will be explained when I get home to blog.. its that sensitive of material.. But trust, when i write it, it will most definetly be grandiouse.. I hope anywayz.. holla!!

ok..

so I started doing my hair on Saturday, and well, then my sensei came over to help get the computer in working order.. Then, we went and saw Resident Evil 3.. OMG!! was that the most kick ass movie I have seen in a while!! All the violence and such make me happy!! Well that and Mila Jovavitch is just the hottest thing since slice bread!! As sexy as Azia Argenta, or even the hottest hottie of all time.. Belladonna!!I love bella.. matter of fact,I'm going to take myself to youtube and try to find some picts of the illustrious booty queen!

I figured out what to do!!

I'm gonna go home and do my hair!! It needs to be done anyways, so I'm gonna take this weekend and braid my stuff up yo!! and since I have no mulah, its gonna be intresting to see what i come up with in the way of mixing colors and textures and such of all the different types of hair that i have.. hmm.. i know I'm not gonna wann do it, but If i do it myself, then, hopefully i will feel triumphant when I come into work on monday(looking fly!) yup! thats what I'm gonna do.. my hair.. now watch, since I decided that this is what I'm gonna do, people are gonna be calling me to find out whats good for this weekend.. oh-well.. I KNOW I look better with the braids.. despite what david(if that is his real name) says..

my horror scope!!

Your Horoscope
PISCES
February 19-March 20
Daily Extended: September 21, 2007
Big changes are happening all around you, and you should jump in! This fluctuation of energy in the environment is going to give you a happy charge, and empower you to make certain changes in your own life. There's a new boldness in you, and it's claiming more control lately -- go with it! You have more power than you realize -- and maybe even more power than you're comfortable with. Get used to being in charge, because there is a born leader deep inside of you. Send this page to a friend.

reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllly!! is this whats really going on in my life right now? cause i don't really feel all that powerful! but if that is what is saaid, if that is what is written then I recieve it and i will take it unto myself! going home to drink-drank-drunk!! i'm actually excited about this!! why? IDK.. Maybe i do just need some time to meself.. hopefully it will be a good thing.. hopefully.. getting more responsibility at work!! wahhhhhhooooo!! I get to be sexy cyber chris's back up.. sooo happy aboot that! but what to do when i just wanna pee?

FEELING WAAAAY DOWN

SO I'M FEELING A LITTLE DOWN TODAY..NOT IN THE BEST OF MOODS, AND I EVEN WORKED OUT.. I'M NOT GONNA LIE, I DO SORTA MISS DAVID(IF THAT IS HIS REAL NAME) AND I GUESS I JUST WONDER IF HE IS GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWLS LIKE I AM.. GRANTED IT HAS BEEN LESS THAN A WEEK, AND I GUESS I SHOULD WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE WEEKEND TO SEE HOW EVERYTHING GOES.. BUT I THINK I'M MORE PISSED ABOUT THE FACT THAT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HIS WEEKEND TO PAY FOR SHIT.. YOU KNOW, SO I WOULDN'T BE DOING WHAT I'M GONNA BE DOING THIS WEEKEND, WHICH IS SITTING AROUND MY ROOM STARING AT THE TV INGESTING LARGE AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL BY MYSELF, WHILE LISTENING TO SAD PUNK ROCK MUSIC THAT HE BURNED FOR ME.. ALL THE WHILE JUST HOPING I COULD GET A LITTLE EMOTION OUT OF MY SYSTEM BY CRYING.. EATING TONS OF CHEESE CRISPS AND NACHOS AND YOGURT AND FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF CAUSE I HAVE NO FUN MONEY BUDGETED CAUSE HE WAS MY FUN TIME.. I MEAN, JUST TO GET AWAY AND HANG WITH HIM(EVEN IN HIS ROOM WATCHING HIM TAPP AWAY AT THE COMPUTER) i THINK i'M STARTING TO HATE THE WEEKENDS.. bUT AT THE SAME TIME, I CAN TAKE A PROACTIVE APPROACH AND JUST GO RUNNING ALL DAY UP AND DOWN THE STREETS.. MABYE I WILL RUN IN THE MORNING, SLEEP DURING THE AFTERNOON, RUN AT NIGHT, AND THEN DRINK TIL I PASS OUT, THEN DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.. I MEAN, ITS ONLY 2NIGHTS AND 2DAYS RIGHT? CAUSE TONIGHT, I WILL JUST DRINK UNTIL I PASS OUT, THEN WAKE-UP TOMORROW, GO RUNNING, DO LAUNDRY, AND THEN NAP, THEN DRINK TIL I PASS OUT AGAIN, THEN WAKE-UP GO RUNNING, FINISH CLEANING MY ROOM, AND GET MY STUFF TOGETHER TO WORK ANOTHER WEEK.. HOPEFULLY MAYBE IN BETWEEN THOSE, I CAN TALK MY SENSEI INTO COMING OVER TO MI CASA TO HELP FIX LA COMPUTERA.. CAUSE THAT WOULD BE JUST SUPER-DUPER COOL!! i WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A COMPUTER TO BE ABLE TO YOU KNOW, DO THINGS ON.. i BET i COULD GET HIM TO COME OVER FOR THE SIMPLE FACT THAT MY ROOMY IS ASIAN, AND BOY DOES HE LOOOOOVE ASIAN WOMEN! I DON'T KNOW.. ANYTHING TO BREAK-UP THE MONOTONY OF TIME GOING TICK-TOCK.. AND NOT HAVING ANYTHING TO DO.. JUST PURE BOREDOM ALL DAY EVERY DAY.. I (SURPRISINGLY) FEEL LIKE CRYING, JUST BURSTING OUT INTO TEARS.. MAYBE ITS CAUSE I WAS SO SHOCKED BY HIS ADMISSION AND NOW, I'M NOT SO SHOCKED, JUST ANGRY, AND HURT, AND PISSED AND, VENGEFUL, AND SAD, AND EVERYOTHER EMOTION THAT YOU GO THROUGH WHEN YOU FOUND THAT YOU HAVE BEEN BETRAYED.. i WANT TO HATE HIM, I TRUELY DO.. BUT ITS SO HARD TO DO THAT WHEN MY HEART HURTS FOR SOMETHING I THOUGHT I HAD, BUT NEVER DID.. AM I REALLY THAT GULLIBLE? THAT STUPID? THAT IGNORANT THAT I ACTED LIKE A LOVE STRUCK GIRL? RUSHING INTO THINGS, EVEN THOUGH I KNEW THAT I NEEDED TO HOLD BACK, MAKING PLANS TO HELP AND TO HOLD AND TO CARE AND TO LOVE A PERSON WHO DIDN'T RECIPROCATE.. mY FRIENDS SWEAR THAT HE IS A LOSER, AND DOESN'T DESERVE ME AND THAT I CAN DO BETTER AND THAT I'M BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM.. FACT IS, DO I CARE IF THATS ALL TRUE? NOPE! i WANT WHAT I WANT.. THS CRAZY PART ABOOT IT IS THAT I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT HIM BACK TO TRY AGAIN, OR IF I WANT HIM BACK TO DO MEAN THINGS TO HIM FOR MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY! HEILL AT THIS POINT.. ITS NOT BECAUSE OF SEX THAT I WANT HIM, BUT FOR THE EMOTIONAL SECURITY, FOR THE STATUS OF HAVING SOMEBODY THERE, SOMEONE TO TALK TO AND TO HUG AND TO LOOK AT AND TO TELL ME IM PRETTY.. BUT I GUESS THE WHOLE TALKING THING IS RETARDED, CAUSE ITS NOT AS IF WE ACTUALLY HAD LIKE MEANINGFUL CONVOS ON THE PHONE OR ANYTHING.. I MEAN, I HAVE HAD BETTER CONVERSATIONS WITH MYSELF.. I GUESS THATS UNFAIR THOUGH CAUSE I AM MY OWN BEST FRIEND AND TO ME, I AM THE COOLEST THING IN THE WORLD.. HELL SOMEBODYS' GOT TOTHINK THE WORLD OF ME.. IF NOT ME, THEN WHO ELSE? OBVIOUSLY NOT DAVID JAMES SMITH( IF THAT IS HIS REAL NAME) f*CKING CANADIANS! BY THE EYETOOTH OF NATAS!! I AM JUST AN EMOTIONAL WRECK RIGHT NOW!! SO UP AND DOWN AND ALL OVER THE PLACE.. I COULD CHALK IT UP TO BEING ON THE RAG, BUT THIS IS SOOOOO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.. MY BODY IS SORE, I FEEL FAT AND I WORE THE WRONG PANTS TODAY, SO I HOPE I DON'T GET INTO TROUBLE.. I TOLD MY MANAGER THAT I WILL TRY TO STAY HIDDEN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.. BUT NATAS ONLY KNOWS HOW LONG I CAN GO WITH OUT GETTING UP AND MOVING ABOOT AND STUFF.. I WONDER IF I WILL REMAIN IN THIS MELANCHOLY MOOD ALL DAY, OF IF I WILL PER UP LATER ON..

SOOOO...

SO i GOT MY STUFF BACK FROM THE GUY FORMALLY KNOW AS DAVID(IF THAT IS HIS REAL NAME).. i KINDA FELT BAD, HAVING TO MEET HIM..BUT ONLY BECAUSE I KNEW THAT I WASN'T GOING TO BE VERY CORDIAL TOWARD HIM...I MEAN I ACTUALLY FEEL KINDA BAD FOR HIM CAUSE IF HE COULDN'T BE UP FRONT AND HONEST ABOUT WHO HE IS WITH ME, THEN ITS GONNA BE PRETTY HARD FOR HIM TO DO THAT WITH ANYBODY.. OR MAYBE I JUST INTIMIDATE HIM.. I DO TEND TO DO THAT TO PEOPLE.. BUT IRREGAURDLESS, HE DID COME THROUGH WITH THE MUSIC.. HOWEVER, I'M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD READ ANYTHING INTO THE SONGS THAT HE PUT ON THE CD i'M GONNA CALL 'PRETTY MUCH PUNK'.. THE FIRST SONG IS CALLED(I THINK) 'A LOVE SONG FOR YOU'.. AND THERE ARE OTHER VARIOUS SONGS THAT I REALLY ENJOY ON THE CD.. I KINDA THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD PUT SOME PRINCE ON THE CD, BUT MAYBE I'M NOT SPECIAL ENOUGH ANYMORE FOR PRINCE.. IDK.. BUT IT WAS LIKE HE WAS LAUGHING AT ME WHILE WHEN I PULLED UP, CAUSE I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO LOOK AT HIM.. I DIDN'T EVEN GET OUT OF MY CAR.. I PULLED INTO THE SPOTY NEXT TO HIM, AND THEN SLID INTO MY PASSENGERS SEAT AND TOOK MY STUFF OUT THE WINDOW, I THINK AT 1ST HE WAS KINDA LOOKING OR THINKING LIKE IT WAS GOING TO BE SOME KIND OF AMIABLE EXCHANGE.. BUT WELL.. I CAN'T BE OVERLY NICE TO SOMEONE WHO PRETTY MUCH LIED TO ME FOR ALMOST A YEAR.. PLUS, WHATS THE POINT, I'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN ANYWAYS.. AS I LEFT THE PRKINGLOT I WAS ALREADY DELETING HIS # AND HIS TEXT MSGS FROM MY PHONE.. CLEAN BREAK, NO LOOKING BACK.. BUT I DO WONDER IF HE WILL GET DRUNK AND TRY TO CALL ME ONE NIGHT.. IT WOULDN'T MATTER CAUSE I WOULDN'T ANSWER MY PHONE ANYWAYS..CAUSE I DON'T ANSWER UNKNOWN NUMBERS.. LEAVE A MSG AT THE TONE.. beeeeeeeep!! LOL!! BUT I'M STILL SORTA HURT AND CONFUSED(OBVIOUSLY) .. BUT I WILL SOLDIER ON. AGAIN, I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON.. IF IT SEEMS TO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT USUALLY IS.. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO GUYS.. AHHH WELL.. I LEFT A MSG FOR HIM ON HIS MYSPACE TODAY, I READ THAT SALTER TOLD HIM TO MOVE TO BROOKLYN..I SIMPLY WROTE THAT HE SHOULD DO JUST THAT.. I ALREADY KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN.. HE SWEARS UP AND DOWN THAT HE LUVS THE NIG*ER GIRLS, BUT HE WILL END UP WITH HER.. CAUSE SHE HAS KNOWN HIM LONGER, AND KNOWS EXACTLY HOW TO PUSH HIS BUTTONS.. PLUS, EVENTUALLY HE WILL GET TIRED OF BEING A LONELY LOSER AND JUST END UP WITH THE FAT WHITE CHIC THAT HE HAS KNOWN SINCE HIGHSCHOOL.. I KNOW I SOUND A LITTLE BITTER, BUT ITS ONLY BECAUSE I TOLD HIM THAT THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HIM, I KNEW IT WOULDN'T WORK OUT BETWEEN US BECAUSE OF THIS, BUT I STILL TREATED IT LIKE SOMETHING WAS GOING TO ACTUALLY HAPPEN.. MAYBE HE WILL LOOK BACK WITH FOND MEMORIES OF ME, AND IT WOULD BE COOL TO BE THE PERSON HE THINKS OF WHEN HE JERKS OFF.. I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT OUTSIDE OF DREAMING OF HIM DOUBLING UP WITH BRIAN( I LOVE YOU BRIAN!!) I DON'T REALLY DREAM OF HIM.. OK THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME i HAD THAT ONE REALLY DIRTY DREAM THAT I TURNED INTO A SHORT STORY, BUT I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT THE GUY LOOKED LIKE, I JUST KNEW THAT THE GUY HAD AWESOME, INTENSE BLUE EYES.. BUT THAT COULD BE EITHER DAVID, BRIAN, OR HELL, EVEN JEREMY!! I GUESS WE WILL NEVER KNOW.. BUT NOW THAT ALL THE BULLS*IT WITH DAVID IS DONE, I REALLY AM STARTING TO WONDER WAHT IT WOULD BE LIKE FOR JEREMY AND I TO GET TOGETHER.. HE IS A BIG GUY, AND I NORMALLY DON'T LIKE EM BIG, BUT WHAT IF HE CAN HOLD IT DOWN? I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHAT IF HE GOTS WHAT IT TAKES TO HANDLE MY OVERLY ACTIVE SEX DRIVE.. THEN I WOULD BE PISSED THAT I WASTED ALL THIS TIME FOOLING AROUND WITH DAVID, WHO WAS, YES I WILL DARE SAY IT, MEDIOCRE IN BED.. BUT I CHALK THAT UP TO HIM NOT HAVING AS MUCH EXPIERIENCE AS SAY...CASEY(THAT WHORE!) I LOVED WHO I THOUGHT DAVID WAS, BUT NOW THAT ITS OVER.. GOTTA MOVE ON.. I THINK I WILL ERASE HIM FROM MY FRIENDS.. NAHHH.. ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS.. PLUS WHEN I PUT UP PICTURES OF MY SUPER SEXINESS, ya know since i have been working out like a lot LATELY, I WANT HIM TO SEE. I WANT HIM TO LUST, I WANT HIM TO WANT ME! BUT THATS ALL FOR NOW. I WONDER IF HE WILL COMMENT ON ANY THING THAT I HAVE SAID..

THE VERY END OF THINGS

SO I TEXT DAVID LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT I HAD LEFT MY BIGGIE CD IN HIS CAR, AND SINCE THAT IS ONE OF THE FEW RAPPERS I LISTEN TO AND SINCE I LOOOOOOOOVE BIGGIE, I HAD TO GET IT BACK.. I SUPPOSE I COULD HAVE JUST WENT AND BOUGHT A NEW ONE, BUT I DON'T HAVE MONEY LIKE THAT.. SO I ASKED HIM THAT WHEN HE HAD SOMETIME, IF WE COULD MEET SOMEWHERE SO I COULD GET IT. HE TOLD ME TODAY AROUND 330ISH.. THEN ASKED ME WHERE, I TOLD HIM THAT WE SHOULD MEET AT ON AUKMORE OFF OF MCKELLIPS AND HAYDEN BECAUSE ITS ON THE WAY HOME FOR BOTH OF US.. HE SAID OK.. I ALSO TOLD HIM THAT IF HE COULD FIND IT IN HIS LYING HEART TO MAKE ME A COUPLE OF NEW CDS, THAT THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.. YOU KNOW SINCE I DID BUY THE STACK OF BLANKS.. HE SAID THAT HE WOULD.. HOPEFULLY HE PUTS SOME MUSIC ON THERE THAT I WOULD WANT TO HEAR, NOT JUST THE CRAP THAT HE LISTENS TO.. OK WELL, NOT ALL OF IT WAS CRAP, HE HAD SOME PRETTY DECENT TASTES IN MUSIC..BUT I MADE SURE TO BRING BACK THE BOARD THAT HE GAVE ME, I'M NOT EVER GONNA USE IT, AND SINCE THE PERSON I THOUGHT WAS DAVID BUT REALLY WASN'T DAVID GAVE IT TO ME, I DON'T REALLY WANT IT.. PLUS, LIKE I'M EVER GONNA REALLY SKATE ON IT.. BUT I DID TELL HIM TO BRING MY TARGET FROM WHEN WE WENT SHOOTING.. WOW.. I GUESS DOING THINGS THAT YOU LIKE TO DO WITH OTHER GUYS, WITH YOUR NEW GUY IS TOTALLY OUT OF THE QUESTION.. CAUSE I REALIZE THAT I CAN'T GO SHOOTING WITH HIM, I COULDN'T TAK HIM DANCING AND I CAN'T GO GAMBLING WITH HIM.. I CAN'T EVEN BLOW WITH HIM CAUSE ITS TO WIERD..bUT LAST NIGHT I WROTE A BLOG ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON.. I TITLED IT.. 'HAPPY-SADNESS' CAUSE I'M HAPPY THAT ITS OVER AND I'M SAD THAT ITS OVER TOO.. BUT I'M NOT OVERLY MUCH OF EITHER.. WELL, I BETTER GET TO WORK.. I JUST HAD TO GET THAT OFF MY CHEST.

IT IS FINISHED...

YES, FOLKS.. AS OF LAST NIGHT IN WHAT WAS PROBABLY THE LONGEST PHONE CONVERSATION THAT DAVID HAS HAD IN HIS WHOLE LIFE, WE FINALLY DECIDED THAT WE WILL NOT BE SEEING EACH OTHER ANYMORE.. YOU KNOW.. CAUSE ITS FOR THE BEST.. BASICALLY HE BLEW MY MIND NY TELLING ME THAT HE COULDN'T BE HIS SELF AROUND ME.. CONSIDER MY MIND BLOWN.. I LOVE HOW HE TOLD ME THAT HE DIDN'T FEEL AS IF HE COULD BE HIS SELF AROUND ME, BUT WANTED TO CONTINUE TO BE MY FRIEND AND HANG OUT.. HMMM.. I HAD A QUESTION.. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE YOU FELT AS IF YOU COULD NOT BE YOURSELF AROUND? I TOLD HIM.. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO HANG WITH ME, IF YOU DON'T HAVE FUN WITH ME? WHATS THE POINT.. OBviously he thought that even if we didn't see each other, we were still going to be 'doing it' somehow.. I told him that we really couldn't be friends per what he said before.. that girls and guys just can't be friends, unless they are fooling around, or about to fool around. But I told him that if he could never be hisself around me, then whom was he being? he was like i was trying to be what YOU wanted me to be.. I was all like.. ooookkk.. well, i thought that we meshed well with one another, but if you were just putting on a front this whole time, then who are you really?.. and I don't think i would like who you are if who you are is just a damn dirty liar!! I just don't understand why he couldn't be hisself, but i forget that being like the 3rd or 4th relationshippy type thing he has been in(and probably the longest too(besides salter) )I have to see that he has no clue how to communicate his feelings to me about how weird this all makes him.. He told me that when we were talking last night that it was a relief to be able to tell me how he really felt after holding it in so long, cause he was always walking on eggshells around me trying to figure out if the next thing that came out of his mouth was going to make me mad or piss me off or something tothat extent.. My wifey told me that she figured out what his problem was along time ago.. He's just a F*cking Pussy!! and that if he was a real man, then he would be so worried about hurting my feelings when he has something really important to say.. or just to talk period.. AAAAAAAAAAgh!!! It frustrates me so!! Why do I always go for the loooooooooooooooosers?!? I mean honestly! I was honest with him about pretty much everything.. at least I was honest about my feelings and who I was.. I think its just sad that I have become so wierd, that even the wierdos don't want to be my friends..kinda creepy, but ok.. i mean, he even called me weird cause i don't sleep.. I told him that he knew all of my weirdness even before we started hooking up cause he would read my blogs! he was like.. yeah, i know.. wifey sd that the problem is, is that i don't present a fisade to these guys like I am this, and then flip the script to become someone else.. she said that that is the reason that they freak out, cause my wildness, and my openess entrances tham in the beginning, but they always think that I'm gonna show a different side, and softer, more maleable side of myself.. and what you see is what you get.. i guess i can say that there is no depth to me.. but i have depth, i'm just not a ordinary person.. i'm NOT the avaerage girl who wants to get married and have the house and 2.5 kids and other such nonsense.. i'm the type of girl to have a christmas tree decorated with dead fetus and real cats eyes that i pulled out myself.. to have my closest friends over for a blood bath of mamouth porpotions.. then clean myself up and go have sushi with the friends who ARE pretty average in their ways and mannerisms.. my biggest problem, is that i am proud of my wierdness, and I live to be different, if nothing else, to NOT get lost in the crowd.. But apparently that is one thing that holds me back.. being incredibly open about my wierdness.. I LIke satanism, and Catholisism and AND ALL THOSE THINGS THAT ARE OUTSIDE THE NORM.. bUT.. IDK.. MAYBE THIS IS THE REASON WHY I ALWAYS END up alone.. cuase i'm actually comfortable with myself..to be by myself.. I'm gonna miss the guy David portrayed himself to be.. but I guess i can't really say that i'm gonna miss David, cuase obviously, I didn't really know him.. Go figure.. No wonder I can't cry..

another weekend dunzo!

ok.. so this weekend started off on the wrong foot.. i mean, i got to davids house, and the levels of connection were off even then.. it could have very possibly been my fault( i was getting ready to rag) but i wasn't bitchy or overly clingy or anything.. just felt disconnected with him. he even reproached me for calling him lame in front of the waiter because he didn't want vegetables with his potatoes.. idk.. it wasWIERD.I was just f*cking with him.. and he got all super but hurt..then we went and rented a movie(ATHF!!) but it was actually pretty boring.. and we went to try to fool around and he was lame.. i had to handle it myself.. then i left super early to go out to CG and i got to hang with my mom and vette and did some yoga and some shopping(grocery and clothing) and then I called him to see if he wanted to have dinner.. so we went topeter piper and had a blast(that part was super fun!) then we went to target so that i could get cds and it was weird there while looking in the mens section for clothing.. so we got cds( i also got these super cool sock/slipper type things) and went to his house to go watch a movie( the devils little helper) the movie was a super cool lame c-horror movie( god i love those). we watched it then went to his room to burn my cd( i just asked him to put some music on there that he thinks I would like( besides the obvious misfits and lil wyane ) and he put some rocking tunes on the cd.. well we started fooling around, and he got a charlie horse in the middle of doing it( i guess its not the middle of doing it cause after that, 'doing it' was pretty much over).. then i got on the computer to check my mail and stuff and add picts and whatever else you do online.. and i was typing a msg to one of my friends and he was trying to sleep.. he pretty much snapped at me to knock off the typing, so i was like, ok.. It wasn't even 2am yet on a saturday night and every one in the house was pretty much asleep! BOOOOOOOOOOOORING!!! I was awake like super milk chan and so I got my sh*t together to get the F*uck out of there.. but ( because I had been drinking) I kept forgeting stuff. so he ended up waking up and was like 'what are you doing.?' I told him that I was leaving since it wasn't fair that everyone was asleep and iwas still up and rarin to go, so I was going to leave.. but I couldn't find that face for my radio.. but i went tomy car and saw that I had alrady packed it in my stuff, so I just texed him from my car that I found it.. he text me back saying to have fun and be safe.. i sd ok(i think) and drove off. I got down the street realized that I was waaaaaay to drunk to be driving and parked my car and slept in the back seat until about 5am, then I drove the rest of the way home, did laundry and cleaned my room.. then took a nap and then my sensei called, so I met up with him to had a drink and sushi and to talke and hang out.. then I went home and fell asleep.. boy was this weekend ever sh*itty.. i mean for david and I.. other than that, it was a wonderful weekend and I got all my stuff pretty much taken care of.. but it was still wierd.. David texed me like around 4ish to ask how my day was going and I didn't text him back.. I think that this is most definately then end of our time together.. mainly because I feel so incredibly disconnected from him.. I mean I miss him, and i had hoped it would work out, but obviously its not going to.. I want him to make the grand gesture, but because of who he is, i'm sure it won't be forthcoming.. and since i'm just gonna off myself on my 30th b-day, i don't see any point in trying to get anything more started .. cause i'm just gonna kill myself whether or not I'm happy or having dire issues.. living is all relative, so living each day like its your last, is the best thing that I can do.. checking out early seems to be the only way to ensure that i don't prolong my suffering.. you know, getting old and ungly and fat.. the only reason I'm so conscience about how i look now, is because when i have my funeral, I don't want to look all sloppy in my casket.. however, if i plan on jumping and becoming street pizza, i may not look nice anyways.. but the pictures that i will be in right before I die, will be super sexy and hot and cute and all of that.. so people will remeber me as being the hot, crazy chick that wanted to do herself in at 30yrs.. slowly but surely i am becoming super toned and in shape.. this whole working out thing isn't so bad.. yes I am sore in places that probably shouldn't be, but thats just cause they haven't been USED IN A LOOOONG TIME.. BUT ITS OK.. i'M TOTALLY GONNA MISS THINGS ABOUT BEING ALIVE, BUT I'M NOT TO WORRIED ABOUT IT.. Change is supposed to be good right? thats what I was trying to explain to David, but he doesn't seem to understand.. since i guess i have such vastly different values as what he has, it makes since as to what I would find acceptable versus what he would find accepable.. anyways one of the songs that he put on the cd that he made for me is called 'Love Hangover' I think that song aptly describes what I feel about my whole life.. I mean cause with David, i thought i felt something just like I thought I 'felt something' with casey, and john, and brian, and irving and sean and all the others that i have dated.. but when everything is said and done.. i have felt nothing but jovilaty in regards to them.. All just passing fancies.. no real hard hitting recognition of "this guy is for me" well with the exception of casey.. but we see how that worked out.. If I wasn't completely repelled by how fat he is, then mabye we could make a go of it, but eeeeeewwwww!! I refuse to get fat.. plus he probably want like more kids and such, and I'm just not down for wrecking my body yet again for an ungrateful holy terror!! the child is more than enough.. and I still am not looking forward to being in her life.. cause I can already see her becoming a fat whore.. I just really want someone who understands.. someone who can stand on their own 2 feet, someone who never needs my help but is always willing to help me( not really others, just me) .. somebody cute, and tall and of middle build and lightly muscled, and has a fasinating hobby and has a 7 1/2 incher with gorgeous blue eyes and dark hair and incredibly plae skin the tans beautifully when out side, that has great fashion sense and is funny and intelligent and my complete equal in almost every way( except finacially, he has to be waaaay above me).. that, well that would make me want to continue living in this world, to be able to find my ideal without having to change what i'm looking for or make acceptions for stuff that I know I would never be able to get over, it would probably just irritate me if I had to try to change him to what i wanted.. i mean, I don't want somebody trying to change me from my habits and ways, so why would I try to change another person? it would be completely unfair! God! I'm gonna miss looking at Davids Gorgeous blue eyes, and just speaking with him, and he did open my eyes to alot of new things.. to be honest, I am completely ah-mazed that it didn't work out between us.. it was almost completely perfect.. but I guess with the both of us being soo much alike, Maybe thats why it didn't work out.. But we will never know.. I think I'm just looking for a guy who will make the grand gesture for me.. ya know, the whole knight in shining armore routine... send me flowers at work, find my car and put flowers on them, call or text me in the middle of the day just to see how my day is going.. make me cds with kick ass new music that he knows I would like.. take me out for a nice dinner like once a month, and pizza and beer or sushi or india or greek food, with out a grimace on his face.. I don't understand why I keep meeting these guys who don't like vegetables... I mean Casey was like the only guy i could get to try something new.. hell he turned me on to sooo many new things.. I guess I'm looking for someone who can TEACH ME! I guess thats another thing I was done with, being the teacher with David was fun for a moment, but when your student stops wanting to learn whatever it is you teach theM, then its pretty much saying that your time together is up and it is time to move on.. I guess its a good thing that I DIDN'T meet his mom, cuase if I had and then liked her, it would have made this soooo much harder.. I mean the more I think about it,the more I think that he is having a hard time coming to terms with moving back with his mother, and so he is pushing me away beacuse of it.. i guess i should thank him for making it easier for me to move on,but oh how i will miss him..so very much.. I guess when you are in a relationship you are supposed to stick together through tough and easy times, but since we made it a POINT TO NOT start an actual realtionship with each other.. cause I swear, if he was my bf, then I would have made a point to figure something out so that we could spend time together.. i guess it would have been hotels r us for the month that he was living with his mom, or even..JUST WAIT LIKE WE DID WHEN I WENT TO GA.. WE WILL SEE HOW THIS ALL TURNS OUT I GUESS.

the weekend is here!!

AND I AM GOING SHOOTING WITH DAVID TODAY!! HURRAH FOR SHOOTING!! THEN, BECAUSE I DID MAKE ENOUGH MULAH, I AM GOING TO TAKE HIM TO CHEESECAKE FACTORY.. AND I AM GOING TO HAVE A GODIVA CHOCOLATE MARTINI.. MMMMMMMMMMMMN!! BUT THIS MEANS THAT I DON'T HAVE TO GET ALL DRESSED UP!! AND IT ALSO MEANS THAT MY HAIR DOESN'T HAVE TO BE COMPLETELY ON POINT EITHER.. GRRRRRRRRREAT!! SOO i'M EXCITED NOW TO BE ABLE TO GO DO THAT.. DAVID IS EXCITED TO GO DO IT ALSO.. HOPEFULLY IT WILL BE A DREAMY NIGHT FOR THE BOTH OF US.. WE ONLY HAVE 2WKENDS LEFT IN THIS MONTH TO HANG OUT THE WAY WE HAVE BEEN.. ACTUALLY, WE MAY NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO HANG OUT THE LAST WEEKEND OF THIS MONTH CAUSE HE WILL HAVE TO MOVE.. BOOOOOOOO!! SADNESS IS MY NAME!! ONYL 30 MORE MINUTES, THEN I CAN BLOW THIS POPSCICLE STAND AND HANG WITH MY SNUGGLE-BUM!! HAHAHAHAHA!! I'M TOTALLY GONNA CALL HIM THAT WHEN WE GO!! I GOT MORE RESPONSIBILITY AT WORK, SO I'M EXTREEEEMLY HAPPY ABOUT THAT.. AND I GOT A DECENT REVIEW FOR MY CALLS.. I GOTTA STOP USING SLANG AND TALKING TO MYSELF.. THAT IS GOING TO BE INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT! BUT IT MUST BE DONE.. CAUSE I WANT TO BE THE BEST!!

OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND!

stuff that happens in my life.. i spOkE with David last night cause i texted him to ask if he wanted to go shooting.. then i told him he would have to pick one or the other for shooting or dinner at cheesecake factory.. he choose dinner.. i guess we will go shooting weekend after next.. maybe.. but surprise, surprise, he told me that he wanted to dress up for the momentous occasion of eating at ccf.. i was all like why.. but i guess he wants to do it.. that means that i have to dress up too.. it sucks cause i don't really feel like dressing up.. I'm bloated, my face is breaking out and my hair looks like s*it.. but David gets what David wants.. It makes me happy that he thought we were gonna spend all day Saturday together.. but since i HAVE to go out to cg.. ya know.. I asked if he wanted to go, but he said no.. Maybe I'll ask if he wants to go to breakfast on Sunday morning.. that would be cool.. But I'm sure he will be busy.. like usual. now he knows how it feels to want to spend time and the person that you want to spend time with is just busy,busy,busy! I'm sooooo excited to see him tomorrow.. I just hope that my face clears up alot between now and 4pm tomorrow.. I'm wondering if I should suggest getting a movie and hanging at the casa instead of going out.. but I told him that whatever he wanted to do(with in reason) is what we will do.. but I'm worried since I THINK ONLY $100 WILL BE AVAILABLE TO ME THIS WEEKEND.. i HAVE TO TRXFER MONEY INTO MY MOMS ACCT TO PAY FOR THE STORAGE AND THEN PAY VETTE BACK AND THEN PAY MY CELL PHONE BILL AND THEN GET BRAKES AND THEN BUY GROCERIES AND THEN MAKE SURE I HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR GAS FOR THE NEXT 2WKS.. PLUS, i WAS PLANNING ON MAKING SURE I SAVED LIKE HALF OF RENT FROM THIS CHECK SO THAT I COULD PAY RENT EARLY.. MAYBE i SHOULD JUST SUCK IT UP AND PAY IT WITH THIS CHECK, THAT WAY i WILL HAVE THE NEXT 2 PAYCHECKS AS ALL MINE.. i WILL HAVE TO CHECK MY PAYDAYS FOR THIS THOUGH.. i MISS DAVID!! i JUST WANT TO HOLD HIM AND LAY AROUND IN BED WITH HIM.. JUST TO HAVE SOME TIME WITH HIM TO DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.. BUT HE LIKES TO GO,GO, GO SKATE.. PLUS WE ONLY HAVE A LITTLE TIME LEFT UNTIL HE MOVES BACK WITH HIS MOM.. I DON'T WANT TO RUIN MYSELF OR GET MYSELF IN ANY DEEPER THAN I ALREADY AM.. THAT WAY, WHEN WE STOP SEEING EACH OTHER(AS WILL INEVITABLY WILL HAPPEN SINCE HE IS MOVING TO THE AVENUES)I WONT BE TOO ATTACHED.. HECK..I'M ALREADY TOO ATTACHED AS IT IS.. BUT DRIVING TO THE AVES.. JUST NOT A GOOD THING.. PLUS NOW I UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE THING ABOOT SEAN SAYING THAT HAVING SEX IN THE OLD APT THAT I USED TO LIVE IN WITH MY MOM MADE HIM FEEL LIKE HE WAS STILL IN H.S. cause SERIOUSLY.. DAVID WAS ALL LIKE.. WELL MY MOM WORKS NIGHTS! i WAS LIKE UH-UH!! I'm NOT GONNA SNEAK IN AND SNEAK OUT LIKE WE ARE HIGH SCHOOLERS.. ESPECIALLY AS OLD AS WE ARE.. THAT AND I DON'T THINK I'M QUITE READY TO MEET HIS MOTHER YET.. I THINK IT WOULD JUST BE TOO WEIRD.. ESPECIALLY SINCE WE ARE NOT TOGETHER.. MABYE LIKE AFTER WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR LIKE A YEAR OR SO, THEN I WOULD BE MORE RECEPTIVE TO MEETING HIS PARENTAL UNIT.. BUT NOT SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.. I FIGURE THAT WHAT I WILL DO IS JUST GET A 2ND JOB.. THEN( IF HE DECIDES HE WANTS TO) WE CAN MOVE IN WITH EACH OTHER A WHOLE HECK OF A LOT QUICKER.. UNFORTUNATELY IT WOULD BE INCREDIBLY REDUNDANT FOR ME TO ASK HIM TO GET A SECOND JOB, CAUSE HE HAS TO SKATE.. I WILL JUST CHALK THAT UP TO BEING HIS 2ND JOB.. I MEAN, HE DOES MAKE MONEY FROM DOING IT.. JUST NOT ENOUGH TO LIVE OFF OF.. BUT AS A SECONDARY THAT KEEPS HIM SANE.. I JUST WANT TO TELL HIM TO DOOOOOOO IIIIIIIT!! BUT LIKE I SAid.. WITH HIM MOVING TO HIS MOMMIES, EVEN IF IT IS FOR A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME, WELL LETS JUST SAY THAT I HAVE ADHD.. SO IF HE AINT THERE TO ENTERTAIN ME, OR HE DOESN'T TALK TO ME FOR LIKE A SUPER LOOOOOOOONG TIME ON THE PHONE LIKE EVERY NIGHT( LIKE THAT WILL HAPPEN.. HE DOES NOT LIKE TALKING ON THE PHONE), INTEREST WILL BE LOST AND HE WILL BE REPLACED.. ITS A SAD, SAD THING.. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.. OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND! NOW I WILL RAMBEL ON ABOUT OTHER THINGS.. I THINK I AM FINALLY LOSING MY MIND.. OR BRAIN POWER..

SOOO DUNZO!!

SO i GOT A MSG FROM MY LONG LOST HALF-BROTHER(MY DADS SON).. HES IS LIKE 19YRS NOW.. SO ITS REALLY WEIRD TO HEAR FROM HIM.. i GUESS WITH A NAME LIKE MCPHAIL, I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO SURE THAT I WOULDN'T HEAR FROM SOMEONE ON THAT SIDE OF THE FAMILY.. BASICALLY HE FOUND ME ON MYSPACE.. i THINK IT IS WAAAAAAY PAST TIME TO DELETE THAT MYSPACE ACCOUNT.. SO I FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT AND IN MY FREAKED OUT STATE OF MIND, I CALLED DAVID TO JUST TALK TO SOMEBODY, ANYBODY(OK SO MABYE I WANTED TO TALK TO HIM ANYWAYS), BUT IT WAS SUPER WIERD, AND I HAD TO TELL SOMEONE.. OF COURSE HE DOESN'T REALLY KNOW MUCH ABOUT MY BACKGROUND, SO HE WAS ALL.. COOL.. i SO JUST WANTED TO SLAP HIM WHEN HE DID THAT.. BUT I JUST MUMMBLED SOMETHING ABOUT NOT CALLING THE CORRECT PERSON FOR THIS AND THEN HUNG UP.. HE TEXED ME BACK LIKE 2HOURS LATER AND WAS ALL LIKE.. R U MAD AT ME?.. i COULDN'T BE MAD AT HIM.. HE DOESN'T KNOW ME OR MY FAMILY.. SO i TOLD HIM NO.. HOWEVER, I THINK I'M GONNA SERIOUSLY START THINKING OF NOT SEEING HIM ON FRIDAY, IF NOTHING ELSE, SO THAT i CAN GO SEE MI FAMILIA IN CASA GRANDE.. BUT I THINK HE WOULD BE INCREDIBLY P-OED IF I CANCELED ON HIM.. ESPECIALLY SINCE I AM TAKING HIM TO CHEESE CAKE FACTORY FOR DINNER.. BUT I WASN'T THINKING ABOUT NOT SEEING HIM AT ALL, JUST GOING OVER, GETTING SOME BOOTY, AND THEN HEADING OUT TO CG.. I GUESS WE WILL HAVE TO SEE HOW EVERYTHING WORKS OUT IN THE END..I DO THINK I WANT TO GO TO FACSINATIONS WITH HIM TO GO GET A NEW TOY.. CAUSE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ALL KINDS OF FUN.. ITS JUST THE FACT OF IF WE GET TO USE IT OR NOT.. I WANT TO ASK HIM IF HE WANTS TO GO OUT DRINKING, AND I WILL JUST BE HIS DD.. OR EVEN RIDE WITH AARON AND AMANDA TO A BAR(PRBABLY CASEY MOORES) TO DO SOME DRINKING.. I WANNA GO SEE A MOVIE, SO I WANT TO CHECK AND SEE IF MABYE GRINDHOUSE WAS IN THE DOLLAR THEATERS, WE CAN GO HANG OUT THERE.. I WONDER IF MY CHECK WILL BE AUTO DEPOSITED .. IT WOULD BE NICE, BUT I DON'T THINK THAT THEY ARE THIS WEEK.. MABEY NEXT PAYDAY.. WHICH SEEMS SOOOOOOO FAR AWAY.. I GOT TO MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE STUFF I GOTTA DO.. LIKE PAY MY FINE AND THEN BUY GROCERIES AND GET BRAKES FOR LA CARRO AND JUST RANDOM STUFF THAT NEEDS TO BE TAKEN CARE OF.. SO MUCH STUFF, SO LITTLE MONEY.. BUT IF I BUDGET WELL AND DO WITH OUT UNNECESSARY STUFF, THEN I WILL BE OK AND WON'T HAVE TO BORROW ANYMORE MONEY FOR THE REST OF MY EXHISTENCE.. HOPEFULLY.. BUT WE WILL SEE.. I THINK I'M GONNA TRY AND GET A 2ND JOB.. CAUSE I NEED MORE MONEY AND A F*CKIN HOBBY.. YOU KNOW, BESIDES HANGING OUT IN MY ROOM WITH THE TV AND CRAPPY COMPUTER.. BUT I GOTTA HANDLE SOME BUSINESS 1ST.. I THINK THAT IF I WANTED TO STAY SORTA TRUE TO DAVID, I WOULD DO THAT WHILE HE STAYS WITH HIS MOM.. that way, i will be too busy or too tired to look for my goodies in other places.. Idle hands and all that.. SO THAT IS WHAT I'M TOTALLY ABOOT .. THAT AND IF I GET A 2ND JOB, THEN I WILL MAKE MORE MONEY.. WHICH IS MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD.. NETXT TO MYSELF OF COURSE.. BUT YA KNOW.. SINCE MYSELF LOVES MONEY... ANYWHO.. IT IT ALMOST TIME TOGO HOMEWARD BOUND.. I HAVE TO TAKE THIS PONYTAIL OUT OF MY HEAD.. CAUSE IT HURTS!!! SO I WILL HOLLA ATCHAT LATER!

I hate when they talk to me Like i'm a mentally retarded child..

Especially the creepy old bat that sit on the other side.. It makes me wonder if they really knew me, would they continually talk down to me so.. But they don't and I understand.. most humans tend to be so caught up in their own miniscule lives, that they have no CLUE what goes on right in front of thier faces.. usually its the quiet ones that see s*it coming 1st(thats why they are usually the ones that go crazy).. but when your the thing that they see coming...(and they say they never saW it coming).. anywayz.. I have decided to quit smoking.. Seriously this time.. I'm realizing that i just can't seem to afford it. I need other things beside putting pollution in my lungs.. It will most definately be hard, but It will be better in the long run.. plus, I think that I could talk David into quitting to. he said something to the effect of it this weekend.. I think its a wise choice.. David and I had a wonderful time this weekend.. he actually made an effort to keep in contact with me this whole weekend.. he told me that if he lived with his mom, things between us wouldn't change much, cause his mom works nights..DUDE, DOES THAT NOT SOUND SUPER GHETTO TO YOU? I WAS ALL LIKE, ARE YOU GOING TO SNEAK ME IN AND OUT OF YOUR HOUSE FOR THE MONTH OR SO THAT YOU LIVE THERE? needless to say he was not amused by my observation.. he was also talking about changing jobs.. I told him that yes he may not make much at the place he works at, but at least he gets all major holidays and every weekend off.. which, if he started working at like the hospital(as a janitor no less!)then he may have to work nights, and he could pretty much kiss his weekends goodbye.. I told him it may not be much, but a set schedule is incredibly awesome.. Plus.. we would never be able to really hang out.. and that would make me sad.. yesterday, he came out to HANG with me at micasa.. and we went to peter piper to eat pizza and drink beer.. it was alot of fun and I'm glad that I got to hang out with him. we had a talky aboot moving and then we had a talky aboot kissing.. I asked him to stop trying to do it..Cause its GROSS!! I'm horrible at it and I don't like doing it.. I told him it was a waste of time.. If I was in the mood to fool around, then I would just do it.. irregaurdless of 4 play..I think that David and I may actually me pretty good for each other.. We are just about on the same level and I don't think that there will have to be much in the way of catch-up.. HE IS A QUICK and eager learner, and is actually a delight to be around.. I really like him.. If I don't hear from him, it makes me sad, IF I DON'T SEE HIM, I GET MAD.. But I think thatwith little give, we could make it work between us.. If I don't cheat on him.. But I don't think I could.. hes' just as kinky as I am.. and boy do i LOVE that!! now I gotta get ready to go home.. I gotta get sh*t taken care of before I leav.. the big wigs are supposed to be coming in.. I think I may go work out again before I drive home.. Mabye not.. I'm pretty tired from helping jen deliver the child yesterday.. so sleepy..

here we go again...

Soooo.. ok.. after everything was said and done, I basically told david that it would make sense for us to move together.. i was going to wait and see if he could figure it out for himself, but.. being that he is captial oblivious, i felt that it would just be more cost effective/less stressful if i just broached the subject immediately.. I told him that I had found several apt, that would be pretty much perfect for our situation.. he said he wanted to move to 68th st and thomas.. If thats what he really wants, then I will stay where I'm at.. simply cause living over there sounds like a headache and a hassel.. here are some of the places that i found..**$750 / 1br - Scottsdale/Utilities,Cable,Internet,{Included} Very Nice
Reply to: mailto:hous-410611628@craigslist.org?subject=$750%20/%201br%20-%20Scottsdale/Utilities,Cable,Internet,%7bIncluded%7d%20Very%20NiceDate: 2007-08-31, 8:06AM MSTKitchen, bedroom and bath in private home in nice area of Scottsdale. Apartment has private entrance, nice kitchen with black appliances and light cabinets, also has 6 closets and bath with 2 tall storage towers. If Interested one must be non smoker and fill out credit/background check application. $600/Deposit $750/Month Includes: all utilities, cable and internet. Osborn/Granite Reef call 1 815 609 8566 or 480 290 9088
Location: Private Home
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 410611628

**$850 / 2br - Amazing apt for lease takeover, move in ASAP. Best deal in town!
Reply to: mailto:heathismoving@gmail.com?subject=$850%20/%202br%20-%20Amazing%20apt%20for%20lease%20takeover,%20move%20in%20ASAP.%20Best%20deal%20in%20town!Date: 2007-08-23, 9:03PM MSTI am relisting this wonderful apartment because the last renter I had lined up backed out, so I need to fill the space ASAP. The previous ad got more than 150 responses within the first day so ACT FAST, this is the kind of opportunity you can't pass up! The unit is at Winfield Place Condominiums. It's a 2 bedroom and 2 bath condo, 1100 sq. feet. Second Floor, Private Patio, Private Front Entrance, Covered Parking, plenty of guest parking always available, Storage Unit, Laundry facilities, Pools, Jacuzzis, BBQ, Game/Club Room, Library, Billards, Spa, Saunas, Beautiful and immaculately kept grounds, 2 minutes to Fashion Square Mall, Downtown and Old Town Scottsdale, hiking trails, parks, lakes. I hate to leave this place because believe me, I would not be giving this place up if I weren't moving to another state! It's a perfect location, the landlord is awesome, the neighbors are friendly and helpful, the maintenance staff fixes things right away, you feel like a person and not like a number at one of those anonymous corporate complexes. It's close to the 101, so getting to ASU if you're a student would be a sinch. This is the best apartment I've ever had, hands down, for the experience, and certainly for the price. Most ONE bedroom apartments in the area start at 1,000 per month, you will NOT find a better deal anywhere in town. The rent is 850 per month (plus tax), and the only utilities you have to pay are electric and cable, because the sewage, trash, and gas are included. The appliances were brand new when I moved in a year ago, still in great condition, there are granite countertops in the bathrooms and kitchen, and there's a fireplace. Big closets and plenty of storage space. No Pets Allowed! Sorry. The person that can move in the soonest will get the apartment. First come, first serve. My lease ends in May 2008.. There is a 400 dollar security deposit, and a very basic one page criminal background/ credit check, is all the paperwork you need to fill out, not the usual lengthy apt process. Easiest move in you'll ever have. Please email me if you are interested!!
East Chaparral at Scottsdale Road google map yahoo map
Location: Old Town Scottsdale
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 404622656

**$569 Studio apt Utilities INCLUDED
Reply to: mailto:hous-382828835@craigslist.org?subject=$569%20Studio%20apt%20Utilities%20INCLUDEDDate: 2007-07-26, 5:39PM MSTI need someone to takeover my lease for my studio Apt. The lease is up december 31st. Rent is $569 a month and that INCLUDES utilities. Pets under 20lbs are allowed for an additional fee. I don't have pictures. It's just a room (400-500sq i think). A bathroom with a shower and a big closet and other storage areas. A kitchen with a 2 hotplate, microwave, refrig., and I can leave my toaster oven as well and plenty of cabinets. I can leave some furniture as well for a price. I just bought a new bed and couch at ikea only a month ago. In mesa on university, but seconds from tempe. A short drive or bike ride to ASU. You're own private place for ONLY $569 a month and it's only til dec. 31st unless you want to stay longer! Laudry room a few feet away, pool right outside your door, on the ground level. If you want to look at it we can set something up, then you'd have to fill out an application and get approved through the management. A credit and background check is needed. Let me know! Thanks
university at dobson google map yahoo map
cats are OK - purrr
dogs are OK - wooof
Location: mesa/tempe
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 382828835

***$550 / 1br - TIDEWOOD APARTMENTS NOW RENTING!!!!!!!!!!
Reply to: mailto:hous-415726990@craigslist.org?subject=$550%20/%201br%20-%20TIDEWOOD%20APARTMENTS%20NOW%20RENTING!!!!!!!!!!Date: 2007-09-06, 2:45PM MSTUTILITIES INCLUDED 2POOLS-WATERFALL W/POND- ONSITE LAUNDRYROOM- ELECTRIC INCLUDED AFFORDABLE RENT- SMALL COMMUNITY- CLOSE TO WAL-MART SUPERCENTER, HARKINS THEATER, HOME DEPOT,BALLYS FITNESS & MANY OTHER SHOPPING CENTERS.WE HAVE SOME OF THE BEST MOVE-IN SPECIALS OAC. SO IF YOUR LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO CALL ME GIVE ME A CALL AT P&H REALTY INC. AN EOUAL HOUSING OPPORTYUNITY 602-230-1510 OR EMAIL ME @ DERON.GREEN@GMAIL.COM HOPE TO MOVE U IN SOON
Location: EAST VALLEY
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 415726990

*** THE BEST ONE YET***$660 / 2br - Your own little house! Cute Cottage w/Covered Parking & Fenced Yard
Reply to: mailto:hous-415693115@craigslist.org?subject=$660%20/%202br%20-%20Your%20own%20little%20house!%20%20Cute%20Cottage%20w/Covered%20Parking%20&%3b%20Fenced%20YardDate: 2007-09-06, 2:06PM MSTYou may have questions about pets, deposits, and how to contact us. Find those answers and more pictures by clicking this link:http://www.a-d-w.com/rent/Available around October 1! DO NOT DISTURB CURRENT TENANTS!!!!!!2 Bedroom, 1 Bath Cottage with Cedar Fenced, Private Yard - very pet friendly. $660 if you pay your own utilities, $850 if you want utilities included. Large covered carport - Gives easy access to front or rear doors and can double as a patio area. Easy-to-clean Ceramic Tile - carpeted bedrooms (depending on when you need to move, we will install tile instead)Vertical blinds and Mini-blinds throughout. Ceiling Fans in the Living room, and Both Bedrooms!Kitchen Features: Refrigerator, Gas StoveServe-over Counter Room for a dining table This private cottage uses Evaporative Cooling and Gas Heat. (Ok to add a window AC if you pay utilities). Washer/Dryer Hook-ups behind house or there's a very nice laundromat within a few minutes walk. About 850 sq. feet, not including a 4'x8' Storage RoomKeep checking our web site for answers to your questions at:http://www.a-d-w.com/rent/
1803 N 25th Place at McDowell google map yahoo map
cats are OK - purrr
dogs are OK - wooof
Location: Phoenix
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 415693115 HERE IS THE M-I INFO***2 Bedroom, 1 Bath Cottage
Utilities included is optional.
If You Pay Utilities
If We Pay Utilities
RENT
Your choice !
$660Includes water
$850Includes allutilities !
DEPOSIT
All but $150 is refundable.
$575
$725
* OPTIONALWASHER
Add to rent >
$20
$35
* OPTIONALDRYER
Add to rent >
$15
$35
If you have your own washer
Add to rent >
$8
$15
If you have your own dryer
Add to rent >
N/C
$20
PETDEPOSIT
Larger pets require larger depositsand pet rent.
Small pet deposit is $150,$75 is refundable.
Need payment arrangements?We can consider payments,if you have a strong application and good rental history. *** IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT THIS PLACE IS OFF OF 24TH ST AND MCDOWELL.. HOW AWESOME DOES IT SOUND?!?!?! OK.. ONE MORE PLACE...$650 Biltmore Area 1 Bedroom Apt Utilities Included
Reply to: mailto:hous-415412876@craigslist.org?subject=$650%20Biltmore%20Area%201%20Bedroom%20Apt%20Utilities%20IncludedDate: 2007-09-06, 9:08AM MSTClean, beautiful, quiet biltmore area 1 bedroom apartment with lush garden courtyard. There is a pool, laundry facility, and covered parking. All of our 1 bedroom units are single story and are located on the ground floor. For more information about The Madrid Apartments, please contact the office at (602)277-1642.
cats are OK - purrr
dogs are OK - wooof
Location: 16th St & Bethany Home
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 415412876*** HOPEFULLY ONE OF THESE PLACES PAN OUT.. BUT WE STILL HAVE TO MAKE UP OUR MINDS IF WE ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO MOVE IN TOGETHER OR NOT..i'M THINKING THAT I AM HAPPY WHERE I AM, BUT IF HE MOVES WITH HIS MOM, I'M PROBABLY NOT GOING TO SEE HIM FOR A WHILE, WHICH MEANS THAT I WILL HAVE TO FIND A NEW AMUSEMENT.. IT WILL PROBABLY BE JEREMY(HUSBAND!) WHICH DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A BARREL OF MONKEYS at all.. but ya know.. its just something i'd have to live with.. I MEAN IF HE DOESN'T KNOW BY NOW HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT HIM, THEN HES MORE DENSE THAN I EVER THOUGHT HE COULD BE.. I'VE GOT SUCH A CUSHY PLACE RIGHT NOW, THAT IT JUST MAKES SENSE TO STAY WHERE i'M AT.. BUT I'M WILLING TO FORGO MY IMMEDIATE COMFORT, FOR OUR SUPER S*X LIFE.. THAT AND I REEEEEEEEAAAAAALLY LIKE DAVID.. ALOT..***** HERE IS ANOTHER PLACE****** $799 / 1br - 700 Sq. Feet – UTILITIES PAID FOR!!!!!!! (480)-994-0391
Reply to: mailto:hous-414933341@craigslist.org?subject=$799%20/%201br%20-%20700%20Sq.%20Feet%20%96%20UTILITIES%20PAID%20FOR!!!!!!!%20(480)-994-0391Date: 2007-09-05, 5:13PM MST!*Immediate move-in available*! The Oasis at Scottsdale From now until the end of August we are running a special. You get half off your first full month pay $299.00 when you sign a 12-month lease. This is over a $400.00 savings. Spacious 1-bedroom apartment located near old town Scottsdale. Beautifully remodeled apartments. Utilities are included, that means your electricity, gas, and trash is already factored in your rent. Blocks from Fry’s, Fashion square mall, and Scottsdale entertainment. We allow pets too; cats as well as dogs up to 40 lbs. Come take a tour of model so we can prove that Oasis is the place for you. Amenities: --Assigned covered parking --Two sparkling pools and spas --Four 24-hour Laundry facilities --Manually gated from 10 P.M.- 8 A.M. --NEW Fitness Center We have immediate availability. Contact Randy, Tiana or Gabor at (480) 994-0391 to make the Oasis your new home today!!! **$842.18 includes are city of Scottsdale renters taxes, electricity, gas, trash, water, and sewer** Oasis At Scottsdale 4140 N. 78th St. Scottsdale, AZ. 85251
78th street at Indian School rd & Hayden google map yahoo map
cats are OK - purrr
dogs are OK - wooof
Location: SCOTTSDALE
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 414933341 *******$675 / 2br - Available for rent at Las Vistas!!!
Reply to: see belowDate: 2007-09-06, 9:25AM MSTConveniently located by the 202 and Sky Harbor Airport! Spacious floor plan including newer appliances, TWO BEDROOM AVAILABLE FOR RENT IMMEDIATELY!! $99 Moves You In!! For more information please contact us at (602) 286-6060! This will rent quickly!!! Credit Check and Criminal Background Check Required! *One pet per apartment, cannot exceed 25lbs fully grown, no aggressive breeds.
48th St at McDowell google map yahoo map
cats are OK - purrr
dogs are OK - wooof
Location: 48th st and McDowell
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 415429361*** OKIES.. I HOPE I AM DONE POSTING FOR THE DAY.. BUT I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT.... OK SO I WAS TRUTHFUL(FOR ONCE)..

hurrah!!

hurrah!! I know its wrong to be happy over someone elses misfortune, but its soooooo hard to NOT be happy.. David is finding that he now has to move from his very cushy living arrangement to god knows where.. Well of course he doesn't want to move back with his mother.. partly cause he is 28yrs old and also cause his mom lives in n.phx and he works in scottsdale.. but the funny part is that when I was looking, I asked him if he would like to get a place together and he said no.. I was like.. alright.. so now i have my place, and now he needs to find himself a place.. irony.. especially since this all happend less than a month ago.. had he just sucked it up, we could have avoided the whole shebang.. kinda makes me hope that if he decides that he DOES want to get a place with me, I could get my deposit back.. But we will see aboot how this all pans out.. but now i wonder if it would be a good idea to even move with him.. cause he has no idea how to clean.. and I can't live in a dirty house.. plus we would still have to get a 2bd.. ya know, gotta have that just in case room.. I guess we would call it the 'computer room'.. But this way he can put all his crap in that room, and we could have all my nice stuff in the master bdroom.. you know like a bed thats NOT on the floor.. the crazy part is that I make waaaaaaay more money than he does.. like $2.00 more, and so I figure that if we lived together, I would have to take care of the majority of the bills.. leaving me pretty much broke.. but he has a car payment, and I don't so its kinda like breaking even.. i guess..plus his mom pays for his insurance.. but he also has better credit than I do.. hmmmm we shall see how this all works out.. plus I figure that if we lived together, I wouldn't be sooo clingy.. mainly cause I'd be so pissed about the state of dirt in my house, that i wouldn't want to see him.. it would be cool to be able to move out by where my wifey lives at.. cause then I would have someone to hang-out with on a regular basis.. plus.. then david can 'go-skate' pretty much whenever he wants.. and I wouldn't care.. I'd have sh*t to do anyways.. plus.. then we could probably save on gas and whatnot by carpooling with each other.. ya know since our respective jobs are right down the street from each other.. OMG.. I'm having delusions on a grandiose scale as to how AWESOME it could be if it all worked out!! I mean seriously.. things would be lean for a moment or so, but all in all, I think that we could make it work.. but this choice, is (yet again)completely up to him.. This time, however, I will let him come up with the idea..Cause i'm ready.. I tend to do better when I live with guys, and I'm usually ontop of things.. I know he makes like $9.00/hr and I make like $12.00/hr.. we should be able to find a decent place.. however we gotta factor in his car payment 250/mo and I guess whatever bills he has.. me, I have no bills in my name.. but I have some uber crappy credit..soooo.. yeah, I'm gonna have to do some serious thinking about this.. Hopefully he is doing the same.. and factoring me into the equasion too.. STARTED LOOKING FOR SOME APARTMENTS.. I JUST LOVE TO SHOP.. BUT I FOUND LIKE 2 OR 3 THAT WOULD HAVE SOME SERIOUS POTENTIAL.. I MEAN IF him and I were to move together.. rent would most definately be more than what he would normally pay, but if he wanted home security, he would swing it.. but now its time to say goodnight.. soo.. until manyana!!

the 1st is never the best

ok.. so this is the 1st post of many posts to come.. i realized that I needed another place to blog, that i could get to whilst I am at work.. This would be that illustrious place. usually I post all my blogs on 2 very different, but extremely similar places.. MySpace.. however because most of my readers tend to be the people I write about( and since they are almost always doing something stupid) and i don't like to be yelled at.. unless I'm having rough 'furikuri', i thought that it would be smart to start a blog elsewhere.. Ususally I try to maintain to my 'peeps' that my blogs are only thoughts and feelings that i have and that if they don't like something that i've written, then they shouldn't read them.. Fat chance of them taking my advice.. as a matter of fact i had to leave my other living situation because my 'roomy' was pissed off that I called her fat.. well i made it abundantly clear that I was only agreeing with her, cause she called herself fat 1st.. and then tried to fit into my clothes.. that C*nt had the nerve to borrow my thermal shirt and then B*tch about the fact that it was too small.. she actuall vocalized that we were gonna have to stretch out my clothes sothat she could fit into them.. I almost had a stroke!! I Bought my clothes to fit MY body, not hers.. and I will be 'vaschnookemed' if I spend money on clothing that doesn't fit me 'Just-in-case' one of my "peeps" decides that they want to borrow it.. From what i have learned through-out my 26yrs on this wretched earth, 1. you never let your friends borrow anything clothing wise that you are going to want back 2. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER ! BECOME FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE WHO CAN'T ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.. 3. great sex is hard to find, so when you find it, kill the person immediatelyif they try to leave you.. that way you ALWAYS know that they aren't giving it good to anybody else!.. 4. never have kids..NEVER!! they are the reason why our society is in decline now! 5. never be afraid to speak your mind.. i used to say that this particular # is within reason, then I figured out that you could go at any point in time, if you always say what you mean and mean what you say, you will have no regrets! I think that Paris Hilton said it best..'Tell people whatever they want to hear, and then do whatever you want anyways.' I figure that way, when you have to explain it later, you just tell them that your plan was bettr, even if it wasn't.. 6. be a selfish as possible through out your whole life.. cause nomatter what others say,think,do, or feel about you, they will NEVER care as much about you as you do about yourself.. 7. hate your life.. if you hate your life, you will do 1 of 2 things, either waste it, or make it.. I actually choose to do the 3rd option, which is to kill myself at the age of 30yr.. i figured that if i hadn't done anything with my life by then, then I wasn't gonna be able to do anything with it after.. plus once you turn 30yrs, it all goes down-hill from there anyways.. the way my life is looking, i will be dead by my 30th b-day.. 8. Don't knock something unil you've tried it(except for having kids ..thats just as bad as it seems).. you can't say that something is not your style until you actually have had a chance to try it out.. its like anal sex for guys.. they are so quick to blowby that whole idea, caUSE THEY think its gay.. its not if a girl is doing it to you, and its not if you do it to yourself.. plus, you get a better 'O' by taking it that way than regularly.. 9. Smoke pot.. even if it makes you feel horrible, just do it! it kills off all the slow moving brain cells, and actually makes you smarter.. it even relaxes most people.. NICE!.. 10. These rules are to be followed only if you want to.. the main purpose is to live your life for you.. the bonus is that if you don't have kids,(wretched little monsters!) then you won't have to worry about feeling as if you have to live for anyone other than yourself.. its like getting close to people.. you only let them see about 65% of who you really are.. some people are even allowed to see 80%.. but always keep the rest for yourself.. when you become omnipocent like myself.. they won't even notice that your not showing all your skillz.. they will just take you at face value! which makes it soooooo much easier to screw them over.. hehehe

but those are my rules tolive by.. i have found that when i follow them, everything is super, when i disregaurd them, i end up hurt, confused, angry and suicidal.. I guess I will start this blog by telling you a little about myself.. i am classified as 'african american', but when i look in the mirror, I see blond hair and blue eyes... ALONG WITH beautifully tanned skin.. Yeah, I know i'm a little delusional, but it takes a little delusion to survive in this world.. just a little.. By the way, did I tell you how much I hate being an adult? it sucks soooooooooooo much, that well, it sucks! I also have a small child, but instead of going through the motions, and killing her later on in life, I decided to becaome a dead beat mom.. she lives with her father in colorado and I live in the great state of AZ.. I know, Iknow.. i should never have had her if i didn't want to take care of her right? well, all my life after several attempts of trying to concieve with a previous personage(ex fiance) and the doctors telling me that i would never be able to carry full term kinda gave me the inspiration of not getting to attatched everytime I got knocked up.. But this one stayed put where she was at.. so i hooked up with her father who was at the time one of my bestest best friends(until she was born) and I found out that irregaurdless of what i want, unless i got it for myself or demanded it from others, i would never get anything for myself once she was born.. from the moment i told him, it was ALWAYS about the bain of my exhistence..(from here on known as Ari).. whilst she was still inside my body, i got what I wanted when I wanted it.. but as soon as she came out, he stopped thinking about me and i had really bad postpartum depression.. its cause i realized that my life would now be centered around this child that does nothing and would probably grow up to be a fat whore.. so we went through the motions of making nice, until neither of us could stand it anymore and then we went our separate ways.. I felt that if she had been a boy, then I would have given a damn, but since she was a stupid chic, i could careless.. he took the cj=hild(like I wanted her anyways) and I took my newly aquired thought process of what I wanted in life(which was F-U-N) and went aboot our business.. I WILL SAy thatshe is extreemly cute, and will probably remain that way until she gets fat like the rest of his family.. I don't know what it is about people who like fat girls, but eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!! that is my worst fear in life is to get fat! I don't think that there is anything worse than furikuring a fat person.. but to each his own.. okies, this is all I'm gonna write for now, cause i would like to get somekind of work done i guess.. i looooove my job, but i'm thinking that theymay be firing me soon.. i think its cause i'm such a wierdo.. but thats for another blog... -danielleM(Danimal)