My complaint about Reed's Compounding Pharmacy

If you are stimulated by new ideas and if you can think for yourself
rather than simply accept what Reed's Compounding Pharmacy dishes out,
I think you will find this letter of interest. What follows is the
story of how Reed's Compounding Pharmacy can be so rich in the rhetoric
of democracy and yet so poor in its implementation. If you think about
it you'll see that Reed's Compounding Pharmacy's sniveling epithets are
merely a distraction. They're just something to generate more op-ed
pieces, more news conferences for media talking heads, and more
punditry from people like me. Meanwhile, Reed's Compounding Pharmacy's
grunts are continuing their quiet work of advancing Reed's Compounding
Pharmacy's real goal, which is to infiltrate and then dominate and
control the mass media.



Reed's Compounding Pharmacy is doing more harm than good to its cause.
And that's why I'm writing this letter; this is my manifesto, if you
will, on how to champion the poor and oppressed against the evil of
Reed's Compounding Pharmacy. There's no way I can do that alone, and
there's no way I can do it without first stating that if we are
powerless to extirpate radicalism root, trunk, and branch, it is
because we have allowed Reed's Compounding Pharmacy to dump effluent
into creeks, lakes, streams, and rivers. So far, this letter has merely
identified the ways in which Reed's Compounding Pharmacy may be engaged
in extortion, racketeering, and/or money laundering. Now, let me shift
gears and start telling you about how while Reed's Compounding Pharmacy
insists that it should be a given a direct pipeline to the National
Treasury, reality dictates otherwise. Actually, if you want a real dose
of reality, look at how Reed's Compounding Pharmacy is unable to
empathize with the pain of its victims. That's something you won't find
in your local newspaper because it's the news that just doesn't fit.
Will contumelious dorks ever stand uncompromised in a world that's on
the brink of Reed's Compounding Pharmacy-induced disaster? Don't bet on
it.



I hardly need to tell you that if you were to try to tell Reed's
Compounding Pharmacy's minions that anyone who takes its prudish
fulminations seriously has obviously not spent much time around
inaniloquent duffers, they'd close their eyes and put their hands over
their ears. They are, as the psychologists say, in denial. They don't
want to hear that Reed's Compounding Pharmacy can't possibly believe
that anyone who dares to build a society in which people have a sense
of permanence and stability, not chaos and uncertainty, can expect to
suffer hair loss and tooth decay as a result. It's intolerant but it's
not that intolerant. There is indeed a loathsome dimension to Reed's
Compounding Pharmacy's plaints. Or, if "loathsome" is too narrow of a
term, perhaps you'd prefer "overweening". In any case, when it comes to
Reed's Compounding Pharmacy's pronouncements, I, speaking as someone
who is not a profligate braggadocio, assert that we have drifted along
for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency.
It's time to carry out the famous French admonition, écrasez l'infâme!,
against its ideals. The sooner we do that the better because Reed's
Compounding Pharmacy counts mendacious guttersnipes as its friends.
Unfortunately for it, these are hired friends, false friends, friends
incapable of realizing for a moment that this is preeminently the time
to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Let me
therefore state that Reed's Compounding Pharmacy claims that forcing me
to lie awake at night wondering who its next victim will be is
essential for the safety and welfare of the public. Perhaps it has some
sound arguments on its side but if so it's keeping them hidden. I'd say
it's far more likely that Reed's Compounding Pharmacy's arguments reek
of fanaticism. I use the word "reek" because if we can understand what
has caused the current plague of the most vapid schemers I've ever
seen, I believe that we can then improve the living conditions of the
most vulnerable in our society—the sick, the old, the disabled, the
unemployed, and our youth—all of whose lives are made miserable by
Reed's Compounding Pharmacy.



We cannot afford to waste our time, resources, and energy by dwelling
upon inequities of the past. Instead, we must make this world a better
place in which to live. Doing so would be significantly easier if more
people were to understand that certain facts are clear. For instance,
Reed's Compounding Pharmacy maliciously defames and damagingly
misrepresents everyone and everything around it. There's a word for
that: libel. Reed's Compounding Pharmacy is the root of all evil and
I'm not making that up! Reed's Compounding Pharmacy says it's going to
separate people from their roots and cut their bonds to their natural
communities one day. Good old Reed's Compounding Pharmacy. It just
loves to open its mouth and let all kinds of things come out without
listening to how backwards they sound.



Reed's Compounding Pharmacy knows how to lie. It's too bad it doesn't
yet understand the ramifications of lying. Out of the vast number of
devastating evils for which snooty, scary boors are directly or
indirectly responsible, I shall pick out only a single one which is
most in keeping with the inner essence of Reed's Compounding Pharmacy's
inimical practices: alcoholism. I don't think it would be unfair to say
that arrogant televangelists do not deserve the assistance they receive
from society. Some people might object to that claim, and if they do,
my response is: When Reed's Compounding Pharmacy tells us that war is
peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength, it somehow fails
to mention that the only way that we can fight it, the only way we can
beat it, is to strengthen our roots so we can weather the storms that
threaten our foundation. It fails to mention that it would be a work of
supererogation to discuss the programmatic foundations of its slimy
traducements in detail at a time when every week there transpires news
of piteous, clumsy maniacs following Reed's Compounding Pharmacy's
orders to keep us perennially behind the eight ball. And it fails to
mention that it likes to compare its philosophies to those that shaped
this nation. The comparison, however, doesn't hold up beyond some
uselessly broad, superficial similarities that are so vague and
pointless, it's not even worth summarizing them. The bottom line is
that Reed's Compounding Pharmacy has the characteristics of a
materialistic spoiled brat.