To anonymous..

1st of all, it sounds like your making excuses for the reasons why YOU decided to live past the expiration date. I have made the executive decision to not. As far as drugs and alcohol go.. in my mind, its what keeps me sane.. at least pot is what keeps me sane.. I could do without alcohol though, that much is true. Hell, I could even do without the close friends.. Technically, I don't really have any friends.. Just associates.. I kind of like it better that way. Mainly cause that way you don't feel obligated to have to help them. As far as the rising and falling of my moods, I'm sure thats just cause I'm manic-depressive.. I've come to realize that I am a little crazy and off my rocker. But I'm ok with that, to me it shows that I am an individual.. one of my biggest fears is that I will get lost in a crowd. As far as your god, beleive what you will.. it is your choice. Some people need to have that thought that there is something greater than out there. I believe that the only thing that is greater, is what we can create with our minds. I don't want to hang on or hang in there.. I want it to be overwith. I want to be done with the retardedness.. I don't wanna be a middle aged whore still out there looking for the one. My tits are already starting to sag! I went from having guys that were actually cute, to guys that have receding hairlines and beergutts..or worse, black guys(eeeeeewwww!!) If I wait any longer, I will actually have to take one of them up on their offers like the dick starved tramp that I would act like anyways.. To be honest with you, I'd rather that not be my fate.