Honestly?

So since I have recently split from my regular booty, i have been going through all the typical withdrawls that you go through when you have been dating( fucking) someone for the better part of a year.. Then I started reading this book called "Hes just not that into you" and I saw all the mistakes that I had made whilst fooling around with MDS.. Then my new roomy let me borrow the book " Be honest, Your just not that into him either" .. and I realized that I have been making such a HUGE ass of myself with all the guys that I have been in relationships with.. Like for instance, there is a part in the book that talks about being blinded by the 'meantimes'.. which means that your just settling for the random guys that your dating, just beacuse you always have the far off hope that while you occupy your time with all the Mr. wrongs, eventually you will find Mr. right.. you know, like how with MDS I knew from the get go that he was ALL kinds of wrong for me.. but because the sex was Ok, I ran with it.. eventually deluding myself into thinking that I could be happy with all his Mr.wrongness staring me in the face.. Just for the sake of not having to face myself in regards to my KNOWING that he was just flat out wrong.. Don't get me wrong, MDS was a great guy, just not MY great guy.. I miss him cause I have no other options and well, a girl has needs.. But to be honest, if the oppourtunity arose for me to fool around with him again, I would probably choose to just walk away.. I wanted him to miss me and chase me just cause I wanted to feel like I was pretty, or needed or desireable.. the book says that basically for us women, its easier for us to narrow the odds from trying to be attractive for ALL guys, to just 1. I mean honestly, its so much easier for me to try to be what just 1 guy wants than for me to try to be what 2 million guys want.. odds are, that about 12 in those 2million are actually going to be attracted to me.. where as I would probably be attracted to about 200k of THEM.. Pretty crazy huh? So.. Yes, I am probably retarded for giving the relationship propaganda books so much precedence in my life, but lets reflect shall we? On friday night, I went out and partied in Tempe with some friends.. Got really smashed, and apparently gave my number out to a nigger AND a mexican.. How is that helping my situation? NOT AT ALL.. I KNOW I'm not goint to meet the guy that I'm looking for at a bar or a club.. Hell, I'm pretty sure I won't meet him at the grocery store or the dentist either.. But because of my standards, I'm not sure where I will meet him.. That shouldn't stop me from going out and doing my thing though right? right! I'm tired of time wasters and fumblers.. Tired of half-assed retards who say they *love* you and then take it back 5mins later.. I'm tired of idiots that refuse to meet you halfway and The cocksuckers who are afraid of a women who KNOWS what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for it or hell even DEMAND it! But where would I find the guy that has all the qualities that I'm looking for. One that will be down for me and mine like I'm down for his? Ready to start the journey forward in life with someone who is likeminded? Who is not afraid to be my reason why I get up and drag my ass into a shitty job every morning because he does/ feels the same? One who is NOT afraid to make me WANT to live past the age of 30. I'm at a lost. The books tell me to not lower my standards, but at the same time be realistic, then they tell me to have my fun, as long as I'm looking out for the one, to be a whore, but keep my shit on lock.. its like its telling me everything and nothing at the same time.. So confused? The books do have one thing in common.. Niether of them tell me where I can meet the guy I'm looking for.. But they do tell me that HE is looking for ME.. So how ARE wer supposed to find one another? Cause it seems that even if we are moving toward one another, its pretty