Is this what I'm looking for?

Got another J-o-B!! I had to!! Moms asking me for money and shit instead of getting her ass up a gettin a job herself!! WTF is that shit?!?! Now I am still saddened by the thought that I am all alone out here in Tucson.. I even contemplated taking a trip to Cali for booty.. Lame!! It aint gonna happen and you know it! Cali Sucks and I’m just waiting for him to realize that shit and come back to AZ!! Maybe it could be fun to fuck around with someone younger than me.. or maybe I’m just so fucking hard up out in Tucson, I’m starting to get delusional! How lame! How sad is it when you meet your equal, and they are nothing that you would have picked for yourself.. Not in the package that you want it to be in and no where near as stacked as you expected.. kinda like a kick in the mouth huh? is this why people settle? Maybe I did David a favor by cutting off all ties.. Hell, Maybe I did myself a favor too! I mean honestly.. Did I really think that some random dude that has great fingers could keep me happy? Seriously.. No! But I was happy to imagine.. just like I’m imagining stuff with that guy I know is yet again not for me! It will be fun to play, I must say.. But long term? Nah! However I do like the way that he thinks( most of the time) and a LOVE the way he makes me think.. Its nice to meet someone as FUCKED in the head as I am! Super fucking awesome to be able to call him up @ 2am to tel him about some fucked up thought, and to have an actual discussion about it, without feeling like I have inconveinenced the person.. He was eager even to elaborate on the thought! to bad none of us are artists.. the visual pictures that we create with our words would make even the most sexually deviante of folks squirm with uncomfortableness..think big shit in tiny orifaces! Beautifully destructive! The thought of decimating his dirtstar with all sorts of unruly shit makes me go in my pants! It even gave me pause to consider the offer of actually going to Cali! Yes I considered it, Then I threw the frivolous thought out the window, with whatever hope I had of finding ’THE ONE’ before I get fat and gross! Califonia SuckS! and no matter what kind of sick and twisted (albeit interesting) expeireince is promised to me out there, I refuse to think more about setting one fucking foot into that horrible place! I mean realy.. if he wanted it that much.. He. Would. Come. To. ME!!