Yanked from the files of Pendergrass!!

Redemption
Category: Life


I sent an email to someone who (I think) hated me or at the very least, tolerated me violently. Over the past few years, I have become adamant about sewing up the loose ends of my childhood. It is more than just "sewing up" loose ends but more of a desire for forgiveness, for whatever transgression I have made in the past. It is said that is easy to hate and hard to forgive but I believe it is harder to ask for forgiveness than to let someone continue to hate you (hate maybe too strong of a word in this particular context). I suppose me asking for the forgiveness of someone who I feel treated me like dirt for something I don't remember or never did is a lesson in futility, but I also believe that trying (with the idea that failure will come faster than success) is equally difficult in the spectrum of hard things to do. Though this blog is more of an afterthought to an email I sent today, I still try and push my philosphy like so many drugs.

My message is meant for one and only one, but I do wish for everyone to learn from it. Do not misunderstand. I am not the same spineless outcast wierdo I used to be. I have a spine (still wierd, a little less outcast) and my resolve in my path has never been stronger. This said, I still am a man on a quest for redemption. I seek forgiveness like a man lost in a desert unsure of where his next drink will come from. Though I do want (badly) forgiveness, I will not strain myself and will accept that fact that a person is free to chose their path willingly and I will discontinue any further notion of said subject. But I will say these things.
Hanging on to guilt is difficult path. Remembering the person we were often leads us to places we wished we had never been. It is like a cloud that hangs over us and occasionally drizzles right after we dry off. Focusing anger and contempt leads to a path from there is no return save redemption from those targeted. Life is too short to contemplate disease for others. Take into consideration the lessons of those wished to change humanity. Every great spiritual leader stressed the importance of tolerance and goodwill. Tolerance of others ways and quirks will enable a freedom to think about your own choices in life. Goodwill is nondestructive when it is purely given and given without return expectation. Imagine helping someone out because you were compelled to. Does the feeling not give you a sense of accomplishment, emotionally and spiritually? Do feel justified in your actions? Is the other person grateful of your actions? Even if the other person is not grateful for your attempt, you can be secure in the knowledge that your intentions were pure and those voices in your head are put at ease for another day. I question my own voices everyday and they lead me to the same conclusion of hope. I hope that one day I will be forgiven. I hope one day I can make friends of my enemies. One of the greatest men that ever lived once said that the greatest form of martial arts is to turn an enemy into a friend. I hope my kung fu works.

Pgrass reflection