another thought

I think that I want a new type of guy to dATE..I want an asian guy! Thats what i want.. But who knows where I can find one of those at.. I wish that I could just give up and give in.. But I know that thats just not simply possible for me to do.. I just want to cry and be all sad and sappy.. maybe its cause I've been hangig with family ad stressed out cause of my job situation.. But it will all work out.. at least I hope it will.. So bored, but I don't want to go now, cause if I do, then SOMEONE will ask me to take them SOMEWHERE, and I just don't feel like dealing with anyone elses issues.. What i really want to do is get stoned and go for a drive in a car that has a decent stereo system and then lay down in a field somewhere and just stare into the very blue sky.. Listening to some decent trance music and drinking sangria.. Maybe playing with some moon sand.. But whatever.. Its not gonna happen unless I make it happen, so.. But yes, i came to the conclusion that the perfect guy for me would be the type that can read minds.. cause then, I wouldn't have to work overly hARD to get what I want.. Right now, I'm too fucking lazy to try to actually make a relationship work.. But I still want one.. Kinda Lame huh? But I guess That would be me.. ya know, its funny that I think that BB is such a loser, but it seems to me that I'm more of a loser than he is.. Maybe I'm just starting to sip back into my depressive state cause I need to start working.. How does this look, me with no job, and no money, talking shit about how He is a loser.. Yup, I'm an idiot and I'm a loser and i'm lame and I think I will just cut this little forage into self pity short..