Yet again, I act like a cunt!

So, BB called to see if I wanted to hang out, I'm not in a frame of mind to be around his stupid friends or his ineptness of being able to handle me in this mood.. plus i would just feel stupid and ugly cause i have a fever blister, and all the zits that he so duly hates.. Why is it that he still fucks with me? IDK.. If he is so repulsed by the way that i look, then what the fuck is he doing still talking to me? I just don't understand that.. I'm just so damn angry.. and i have no clue why. I wanna cry aboot it, but I've long since lost the ability to do that.. unless I'm crying from laughing really hard.. Now I am listening to 'bodies' by the smashing pumpkins.. its the song that reaches to the very depths of my soul right now, and Goddess bless pandora for playing it!! LoVe Is SuiCidE.. thats just how I feel.. If i had alcohol, I would be so drunk right now.. but i have nothing, nothing, nothing.. no food, no drink, no pot.. nothing to create a vice for myself that would make me forget, even for a little while, how absolutely pointless my exhistence on this earth is, and just how much nobody cares.. why even write this blog? nobody cares, or reads it.. and if they do, they really only do it just because they are bored.. I'm sure we all have something more important that we should be doing than fucking around on the internet.. the internet, just another way for us to waste precious time. I was so mean to BB.. I just can't be nice on the phone to anybody today.. even when my mom called me today, I was bitchy on the phone with her.. but when she got here, I was as great full and as happy to see her as a starving person.. God.. I'm such a loser..