IT IS FINISHED...

YES, FOLKS.. AS OF LAST NIGHT IN WHAT WAS PROBABLY THE LONGEST PHONE CONVERSATION THAT DAVID HAS HAD IN HIS WHOLE LIFE, WE FINALLY DECIDED THAT WE WILL NOT BE SEEING EACH OTHER ANYMORE.. YOU KNOW.. CAUSE ITS FOR THE BEST.. BASICALLY HE BLEW MY MIND NY TELLING ME THAT HE COULDN'T BE HIS SELF AROUND ME.. CONSIDER MY MIND BLOWN.. I LOVE HOW HE TOLD ME THAT HE DIDN'T FEEL AS IF HE COULD BE HIS SELF AROUND ME, BUT WANTED TO CONTINUE TO BE MY FRIEND AND HANG OUT.. HMMM.. I HAD A QUESTION.. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE YOU FELT AS IF YOU COULD NOT BE YOURSELF AROUND? I TOLD HIM.. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO HANG WITH ME, IF YOU DON'T HAVE FUN WITH ME? WHATS THE POINT.. OBviously he thought that even if we didn't see each other, we were still going to be 'doing it' somehow.. I told him that we really couldn't be friends per what he said before.. that girls and guys just can't be friends, unless they are fooling around, or about to fool around. But I told him that if he could never be hisself around me, then whom was he being? he was like i was trying to be what YOU wanted me to be.. I was all like.. ooookkk.. well, i thought that we meshed well with one another, but if you were just putting on a front this whole time, then who are you really?.. and I don't think i would like who you are if who you are is just a damn dirty liar!! I just don't understand why he couldn't be hisself, but i forget that being like the 3rd or 4th relationshippy type thing he has been in(and probably the longest too(besides salter) )I have to see that he has no clue how to communicate his feelings to me about how weird this all makes him.. He told me that when we were talking last night that it was a relief to be able to tell me how he really felt after holding it in so long, cause he was always walking on eggshells around me trying to figure out if the next thing that came out of his mouth was going to make me mad or piss me off or something tothat extent.. My wifey told me that she figured out what his problem was along time ago.. He's just a F*cking Pussy!! and that if he was a real man, then he would be so worried about hurting my feelings when he has something really important to say.. or just to talk period.. AAAAAAAAAAgh!!! It frustrates me so!! Why do I always go for the loooooooooooooooosers?!? I mean honestly! I was honest with him about pretty much everything.. at least I was honest about my feelings and who I was.. I think its just sad that I have become so wierd, that even the wierdos don't want to be my friends..kinda creepy, but ok.. i mean, he even called me weird cause i don't sleep.. I told him that he knew all of my weirdness even before we started hooking up cause he would read my blogs! he was like.. yeah, i know.. wifey sd that the problem is, is that i don't present a fisade to these guys like I am this, and then flip the script to become someone else.. she said that that is the reason that they freak out, cause my wildness, and my openess entrances tham in the beginning, but they always think that I'm gonna show a different side, and softer, more maleable side of myself.. and what you see is what you get.. i guess i can say that there is no depth to me.. but i have depth, i'm just not a ordinary person.. i'm NOT the avaerage girl who wants to get married and have the house and 2.5 kids and other such nonsense.. i'm the type of girl to have a christmas tree decorated with dead fetus and real cats eyes that i pulled out myself.. to have my closest friends over for a blood bath of mamouth porpotions.. then clean myself up and go have sushi with the friends who ARE pretty average in their ways and mannerisms.. my biggest problem, is that i am proud of my wierdness, and I live to be different, if nothing else, to NOT get lost in the crowd.. But apparently that is one thing that holds me back.. being incredibly open about my wierdness.. I LIke satanism, and Catholisism and AND ALL THOSE THINGS THAT ARE OUTSIDE THE NORM.. bUT.. IDK.. MAYBE THIS IS THE REASON WHY I ALWAYS END up alone.. cuase i'm actually comfortable with myself..to be by myself.. I'm gonna miss the guy David portrayed himself to be.. but I guess i can't really say that i'm gonna miss David, cuase obviously, I didn't really know him.. Go figure.. No wonder I can't cry..