too friendly?

I think not.. I.. I think that as time wears thin, I tend to get old and really sappy.. Then I have top take a step back and even slap myself for thinking such blasphemous thoughts about my life.. But it will soon all be over.. However.. I don't know if its for the best or if its for the worst..I'd give up just about anything to become beautiful, successful and happy.. I wouldn't mind burning in the fires of hell just to have a beautiful 10 yrs on earth.. everything I've ever wanted, everything i've ever dreamed of.. Instead of being a fat, zit-ridden, bitchy black chick.. IDK.. I'm becoming depressed.. Must be from lack of sex.. Gotta get it like clock work or else I become tempramental.. How lame is that? Sex is just another thing for me to try to accumulate feelings of humanoid emotion from.. eventually, I will be able to go without it.. or not.. whatever.. So that guy didn't call today, or tonight.. perhaps I should be pleased by that.. Cause what would be the point of him calling me if he has nothing to say.. But a text of 'hi, how ya doin' would be nice.. But whateve.. I shouldn't even be thinking about him, I spoke with My seanyboy.. So sexy and talkative on the phone, so quiet and reserved in reality.. But he is a quick one I will tell you that.. God.. its like I'm TRYING to make myself care more about this sean guy than BB.. I'm guessing cause sean is asthetically, everything I'm looking for.. But who knows what he would be like in bed.. and truth be told, If I wasn't already fucking BB,then I probably would have banged him already.. I have a sinking feeling that he is incredibly boring in bed.. just lazy and lame and one of those guys that you lay up-under hoping that they make it quick.. or even just give a half-way decent blow-job to just cause the thought of having sex with him puts you to sleep.. How SAD is that.. Its so fucking typical.. Meet the man of your dreams, and you relize, it is all JUST in your dreams.. and your better off with the homely, poor guy that can at least give you a thrill in the sack.. WHY?!?! I guess, why do I feel as if I need to rush into anything, with, well, anyone.. I mean BB seems content with our arrangement, I don't want to meet his mom or his family and I don't want to be his gurl.. There is so much more.. But since I have such a very hard time "meeting the parents" I figure it would be best if I just keep it where I'm at.. Especially since BB isn't fully trained yet.. Don't worry ladies, He is coming along nicely.. pretty soon he will be at the halfway mark.. Hell I'm impressed that the training is going so well.. I didn't think that it would take for a minute, but.. The subject is a very apt pupil.. Sometimes he even surprises me! But mostly, I'm just waiting for him to catch on to what I'm doing.. But Its for his own good.. cause by the time he realizes whats happening, it will be too late and the habits that he has aquired will ensure that he is snapped up immediately.. and then, I will be thanked, I will be adored and I will have made a great contribution to women kind.. Fuck with him it will make like 3 that I have trained and sent out into the world.. the other 2 are extremely happy.. both married ( to girls with kids by someone else, but they don't seem to mind) and doing well.. I mean they aren't super well off, but they take care of business.. See withthe 1st recruit, I went a little crazy and now all he cares about is his money and dating young girls.. and he is a horrible story teller and braggart.. but... Well hell, I still couldn't even say that he is a catch.. He is my stallion.. when I need verification that a bitch is a hoe/slut/tramp for real, then I have him fuck her.. (which is probably why I will never fuck him again) Then, I cAN talk shit about her taken my leftovers.. no matter how long ago or how much I said it was cool.. it is NEVER cool to fuck the ex of a close friend.. which really sucks, cause sean and brian are close and they are roomies.. so it may not work out well for sean and i anywayz.. but then what does that leave me stuck with.. BOOOOO!!! I mean, I have nothing against BB.. I mean hes funny, intelligent, has great taste in music, and becoming pretty fucking awesome in bed.. But what to do? IDK.. Whateve.. I'm going to sleep.. I wish some guy would tell me that I'm beautiful..