Why So Sad?

What is it about this life that makes me want to slice my wrists, blow my brains out, or jump off an overpass into the afternoon traffic below?
Why is it that I Like a guy that gives me nothing.. feels as if I take advantage of him and is a self proclaimed introvert? What about this Oh-so Perfect redhead, that I should be all about.. But when you don't answer the phone for one, when you are on the other line with another, it says alot about your priorities.. ALOT.. The redhead hencforth known as 'R' has IT.. I mean, he is attractive, he is tall, he is intelligent, witty, engaging, a definate people person, and he has time to give me the attention that I crave.. cause he gets to work from his fabulous house.. I would have him put on about 15lbs before I'd fuck 'em, but other than that.. But I feel as if I'm forcing the affection, forcing the interest with him.. How is it that this guy could be all that I am seriously looking for, and I'm not interested because the introvert is what I want.. But I'm tired of waiting for the aforesaid introvert to realize( read my mind) that I'm all about him.. just not in a regular way, cause well, I'm not a regular girl..I think that we could totally work it out, but that would require him to grow up, and start taking me seriously.. or not.. Obviously, My life sucks cause I have a crush on a guy that cares nothing about making me happy, even though my whole exhistence is to make him happy.. He even told me that i have ruin sex for him.. why? Cause I have made it to readily axcessable for him.. I guess I should play hard to get.. but herein lies the problem.. I don't want to play games anymore.. I don't have time to play games.. I just want to be in a relationship, with out all the titles.. Or maybe I do want the title.. cause I do want the label, just not the lable of being his girlfriend.. I don't know why it would make me feel wierd to be called his GF, anyone else, and I would demand that the title be known to everyone around the world.. what does it mean when you want to be someones significant other, but not to have the actual title of being that persons significant other? Is it cause I'm ashamed? or Is it cause I want what we have to be special, and with out the lables, it frees us from being IDK, I guess 'labeled'? I care, and I shouldn't, But whats a girl to do? I wish he would just grow some fucking balls and take what he wants from me.. I want him to be all aboot telling me what the next step is.. I need for him to be overbearing and slightly abusive when he tells me that I am his and that he is mine cause its what we both want and then for him to give me the stipulations of how he wants this thing to run.. I'm not a mind reader, and I shouldn't expect for him to be, but its hard not to wish for him to just know instictively what I want and give or take from me accordingly.. I think he realizes that having me as an actual GF would be a lot of work, mentally, and physically.. and Maybe he is just as lazy as I am, and thinks that instead of trying to make it work, it would be easier to give up on the perfection that would be us, and turn to the easiness of bouncing around with something that is less of a fucking challenge.. God Bless Laziness..