My life..

this weekend was absolutely ah-mazing..(FRIDAY) I that new movie CLOverfield, and then hung with my wifey and Animal pants and the mountain man Jordan, and Tim was in town, so it was nice to see him.. Then I went and hung out at Pendergrass's house for a moment.. We played video games and he smoked pot.. I just enjoyed the company.. It was weird hanging at his house though.. When I was at jordans, we were playing Halo, but listening to some kick ass tunes.. at Pens casa, He had us listening to oldskool videogame music.. I'm talking like castlevania or early mario bros music.. and this is while we were playing call of duty 4.. it was odd to listen to such old skool shit while playing a newer game.. But I had fun.. (SATURDAY) I hung with Brandy.. we went shopping for her house warming party, and to help her find a couch and love seat.. But not many people came so we ended up going out to Devils Martini in Scottsdale and having a FUCKTON of fun well, for the most part.. I met this guy that is phillipino, and he was very drunk, and very fucking grabby.. He was cool, we exchanged numbers, but he kept being all up in my look.. finally, Brandy had to put the smack down.. Oh yeah.. Pendergrass came with brandy and brad and brads friend and then josh's friend drove.. it was pretty super.. I think that pen was super uncomfortable, cause it wasn't his normal NERD element.. See that is the hardest part for a chick like me who digs nerds.. You never can take them anywhere out of their element, or else you run the risk of seeing exactly how nerdy they are.. But whatever.. I had fun at the club.. Then I spent the night at Pens house.. actually, there was no sleeping on my part( like there ever really is)But I DID have a bang uptime.. Literally.. We wrestled and fought.. I told him that I had a rape fetish.. He said that he was willing to fulfill that fetish.. I told him that if he could take it, he could have it.. Contrary to my height and size, I'm surprisingly strong.. Basically, I made him fight for me to piss all over his face. It. Was. Awesome. I forgot how much fun it is to be in complete control like that.. To have someone want you so bad, that they would settle to just have you piss all over them.. Its funny, cause while I peed on his face, I made him jack off, and when he came, he came all over his precious sega and playstation consoles.. It was fucking awesome! But I haven't fought and wrestled with that much gusto in such a loooooooong time!It was refreshing to fight with out restriction or conscience, or the danger of hurting the other person too much, cause the guy can take a punch.. He has got a fuckton of bite marks and bruises, I am kinda sore.. Fore sure my nipples are from them constantly being grabbed and bitten and pinched.. it was the thing for him to do when I started biting the fuck outa him.. He was still a little on the pussy side, mainly cause he was still up in arms about actually hitting me.. He wouldn't slap me, but he would bite the fuck outa me.. It crazy how much fun you can have still fully clothed.. Well, to make a long story short, He was unable to take it, so he didn't get it, but I cave him a C+ for effort and then pissed all over his face.It was nice. I had fun.. Then he had to go to sleep cause he had to work the next morning at like 10 or something.. so he finally went to sleep at about 730 or 8am.. I stayed up playing video games until he was ready to take me back to Brandys' place. (SUNDAY) After I got back to Brandy's house, obviously it was a ruff night the night before, and I was starving.. So everyone was still pretty much asleep at her house, I reheated some of the food from the night before, drank some water, popped in Failure to Launch, and hung out until every one woke up. Basically They all came about around 11ish or so.. By that time, I had already started on my 1st beer, and was thinking about having a shot or two.. We ended up making bloody Mary's and I had a couple of scotches mixed with Heinekin or vice versa.. Then we went to Chipotle and went and saw that movie <1st friday> (Horrible!) and then back to Brandy's house. I had talked to My David like sprinkled through out the day, and I figured that since I had had such a drama and violence filled night before, I wanted to cuddle with something familiar.. Being the raging alky that I was, whenever I talked to David, I was super sugary sweet and nice and incredibly luvy duvy.. But it was cool, when we were done with the movie, I went to his house to get my cuddle on.. On the way over, i realized that I was pretty fucking drunk, and probably should not have been driving, But boy I couldn't wait to seeeeeeee my David! The crazy part about it, was that I realized that I really missed him.. I probably would say that I am completely infatuated with that boy.. So I go to his house and I get to cuddle with him, and finally, after such a Looooooooong weekend, I slept.. It was probably some of the best sleep i had gotten in a loooong time.. I missed David.. As I woke up with him asleep next to me, I realized that, I was really in love with this guy.. I mean, there are not many people that I feel comfortable enough to sleep around, even when I first met him, I felt comfortable enough with him to just have a rockin time.. I know that with all the other ones after him, I will just be biding my time, Just filling in the blank space until he comes around to see that we could be super happy together. Which upon further reflection, just means that at I will be waiting for a while. Again putting my thoughts and feelings and what I know is best on the back burner Just for what? IDK.. some guy to realize that I am in love with him and can't live my life without him in it and would even cut myself off from what I want in life just to be his FRIEND. Not sure how long this will last, but I've only got 3yrs.. But I suppose if I have to be a great friend to him and celibate for the rest of my life with the exception of when he deems my appearance appealing enough to fuck, then I guess thus is the rest of my life. God I'm lame. He is the love of my life, and it sucks that there is nothing, nothing, nothing that I can do about it.. Hell I had ample chances to fuck someone else, but i get to that point, and I want nobody but him, just his cock , just his fingers, just his lips, just his body against mine.. nobody elses. It sucks, cause now I have to occupy myself with random guys just to keep myself from being a bugaboo to him. Is it fair that I find guys to keep me busy, but be unable to fool around with any of them? Is it fair for me to be in love with someone who doesn't love me back? Its not fair. Maybe I should just sleep with Pen.. Yeah he is leaving in February, which seems like a huge waste of my time.. But ya know, his cock isn't bad, and he has stamina, and is willing to be as ruff with me as I like.. but he doesn't deserve the pussy.. Not even David deserves the pussy.. But that is who I want to give it to. Its just not fair. Now Pen has called me to come over and hang out.. Hell he even suggested coming out to my house to hang. But do I say yes? Nope.. cause I want to hang with David. But David is busy. So now I will be at home alone tonite instead of hanging out and having fun. Its not fair. Its just not fair. I'm in love with an emotionless asshole. And there seems to be nothing I can do about it, nor the way that I feel. LAME