A coversation between BB and I.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: *NINJA KITTY*
Date: 07/01/2008


as per your request, you have been removed from my top friends list. As usual, Your wish is my command.

---------------- Original Message -----------------
From: david
Date: Jan 8, 2008 6:00 AM


AHH! you didn't have to do that! I was joking, but whatever. So, if my wish is your command than I better start thinking of some coller wishes than removing me from your top friends list. Have a great day!
~DAVID!


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: *NINJA KITTY*
Date: 08/01/2008


Thats rich! You thinking about something cooler? hahahahaha!! Don't hurt your brain trying to do that.. It would be unseemly. Plus, there really is no need to think on things for you.. Thinking requires emotions.. of which you are in seriously short supply of. My day was fabulous thanks..I imagine that they could only get better.. at least I hope.
--------------Original Message----------------

Jan 8, 2008 3:51 PM

WHOA! was that last sentence positve? Is Danielle turning a leaf? Is 2008 going to bring a positve outlook to Danielle? I hope so. It's much more attractive than being a Debbie Downer.
Your Pal,
David Smith


*in response to this I wrote :

Hmmm.. to be honest, I think that being abstinent has totally turned my thinking.. I mean, the worst thing I can think of has already happend to me.. what more is there to think of. Plus, It helps that I can pretty much blog at a moments notice.. That way i'm not carrying the bad around inside for a long period of time.. I can get it out almost immediately.. and I think that helps alot.. I notice that i blog almost constantly.. But at the same time, my general out look on life is pretty bleak.. If the worst has already happend, then I can take the bull shit thats left. So what If I'm old and alone.. So what if I have no talent.. I am who I am, and who I am is what makes me, me. I can be no one else. I just want to get to the point(again) like you where other people don't mean shit and are as replaceable as toilet paper. People come and go, but I have to live with myself for the rest of my life.. however short it may be.

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Now.. He has not sent anything back at this time.. i'm thinking its cause he has the emotional availability of a rock and Just doesn't want to fight.. Which is fine.. I actually do wish i was more like him.. Then maybe I wont feel so crybabyish all the time.. But after re-reading the last thing he wrote, I realized.. Who the Fuck cares if i'm more attractive with a positive attitude.. Just cause I'm not what he likes, doesn't mean that someone couldn't find my surly, bitchy attitude endearing.. Hell I accepted him even after i thought he was mentally retarded( No Really i seriously did for a moment there, still do kinda) ya know, kinda like rain man, only just not as smart, and instead of stuttering he just says 'like' alot. But anyways, I still was fucking the shit out of him then.. I accept him for not being overly attractive,for having gray hairs, for having a receding hair line( I actually kind of like that on my guys for some reason) for having no major goals in life except to "SHRED".. Hell I was even there when he moved back in with his mom, who lives in the AVENUES, and he is 28yrs old! I even kept at it when I realized that he was too much of a fucking PUSSY to fuck me rough.. or even when he popped after 5minutes of sex, in which there was 5 minutes of foreplay..and the foreplay was all about him then!! Then he tried to finger fuck me to appease me.. HA! the crazy part, is that i was still going back for more even when i was pretty much faking how much I enjoyed sex for like the last 2 months.. Ok I will say that for some reason, when he lived at his moms, sex was really fucking good then.. now.. its like hes bored, i'm bored and we were doing it just to have something to do when we hung out. I don't know why we went through the motions, for such a long time.. Familiarity I guess.. It was something (someone) to do, with out whoring around( at least on my part) I'm guessing for him, it was just like he told me.. I made myself available.. I think he should just stick with his old friend aubry.. Yeah, he says he likes the girls of color, but ya know.. he always ends up fucking around with her again, and again, and again..Surprisingly, I'm not as upset about it as I thought I would be.. As in the previous blog, I knew it wouldn't work out with us in the beginning.. Its cause we are sooooo much alike.. I need a counterbalance, and David Smith(BB) is most definetely NOT IT!.. I aspire to be as emotionless as he.. I can only dream of being that Fucking dense, that fucking blind that even hellen keller could see how much I cared.. Now, I just feel disgust.. disgust at myself mostly for wasting a year out of my life with a guy I knew from the get go was not for me, and disgust at him, for letting it go on soooooo fucking long.. He gets out of this unscathed and "da man" through his 'peeps' I get.. blogs.