i just don't understand

Where the color has gone in my blogs! I used to be able to pick the color and font for them, but now, all i get is bold or italic.. what gives? Any wayz.. so this weekend was alright.. it seems that i've slipped into some sort of mediocre state of acceptance that David(if that is his real name) and all the other guys( with the exception of a very small amount) all would like to have those silly little girly girls.. I had this dream last night, where I at somepoint aquired an suv and was going to davids house to hang with him.. Some how my mthr met me there, and we were all hanging out.. then David was like i have luch meat for sandwiches.. and i was like sweeeeeeeeet! So we made really good sandwiches, but something was just wrong, and my mom needed something and David was acting all super mean.. He had on a hat and when he took it off, he was going bald like as i was looking at it.. but he pissed me off( and for some reason so did my mthr) so i just grabbed my shit and left.. my mthr came running out of the house and David, stayed at the table.. I guess to finish his food.. I needed to make a left hand turn, but it was so trafficy that i couldn't..It was wierd, cause the streets reminded me of the streets in GA.. So did the house.. so I went right and tried to turn around a little further down the road( there was a school on the left hand side) and ended up getting so frustrated that i just parked the car and ran into the field.. suddenly the field turned into a gigantic toy aisle from petco.. and i got lost.. then i was looking at the toys and found a way out.. I got back into my car, and left to go hang out with Jeremy.. we were looking for a place to have my 30th b-day party, and because Jeremy thought everything was cool, he didn't realize that i was actually looking for a building that had a roof that we could have a party on so that I could jump off it! But somehow the realitor knew, and was all cool with it.. I guess everyone was happy because I had become so spiritless and blah over the past couple of years( of which i would assume that I was with Jeremy, that they were just glad that I was starting to show more spunk again.. I would assume that the only place I apparently showed any type of interest was in bed, and I think that I was still bored and just did it cause I felt as if i had no choice.. I think It floated through my head at one point, that since i was dying at 30, might as well get it from a regular source, instead of hopping from person to person, not knowing where it was going to be coming from.. Like it was wierd, i saw my life with Jeremy, and we never really hung out together.. he would chill with his friends, and I would hang with mine, and then we would come together at night to have sex and I would cook.. LAME!! But when we were looking for buildings, the lady kept telling us that we couldn't smoke on the roof.. so i told her that I needed a building that we could smoke on the roof, because the majority of our friends were smokers, and I didn't want them smkoking in the actual room where the party was being held.. plus it would give couples an excuse to try to be alone.. they laughed at me, but we finally found one.. it was perfect.. it couldnt be a more fitting place.. but it looked like we were in newyork when we found the building.. It was a wierd dream.. A really wierd dream.. I wonder if its telling me that no matter what I do, the most exciting thing for me to look forward to in my life is killing myself on my 30th b-day.. HOW LAME IS THAT?